Looks like I'm off to join the army.

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ssar
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Looks like I'm off to join the army.

Postby ssar » Tue Mar 25, 2003 9:47 am

NOTIFICATION OF COMPULSORY ENLISTMENT

Under the Emergency Powers Act (1939) as amended by the Defence Act(1978), you are hereby notified that you are required to place yourself on standby for possible compulsory military service in the American Conflict.
You may shortly be ordered to depart for the Middle East where you will join either the 3rd Battalion The Queen's Own Suicidal Conscripts or the 2nd Foot and Mouth Cannon Fodder.
The regulars are too busy driving Green Goddesses to be there themselves.

Due to the recent rundown of the Navy and the refusal of P&O to lend us any of their liners, because of the deplorable state in which they were returned after the Falklands adventure, it will be necessary for you to make your own way to the combat zone.
H.M. Government have been able to negotiate a 20% discount on one way trips with Virgin Airlines and you are strongly urged to take advantage of this offer (Ryan Air also do a nice little £9.99 trip).

Because of cutbacks in Government expenditure in recent years it will be necessary for you to provide yourself with the following equipment as soon as possible:
* Combat Jacket
* Trousers(preferably khaki - but please no denim)
* Tin helmet
* Boots (or a pair of sturdy trainers)
* Gas mask
* Map of the combat zone (the Ordinance Survey 1:2800 Outdoor Leisure Map of Iraq will do)
* Rifle
* Ammunition (preferably to suit previous item)
* Suntan oil

If you are in a position to afford it, we would like you to buy a tank (Vickers Defence of Banbury are currently offering all new conscripts a 0% finance deal on all X registration Chieftains, but hurry, as offer is only available whilst stocks last).

We would like to reassure you that in the unlikely event of anything going wrong, you will receive a free burial in the graveyard of your choice, and your next of kin will be entitled to the new War Widows pension of £1.75 per calendar month, index-linked but subject to means testing, and fully repayable should our side eventually lose.

There may be little time for formal military training before your departure and so we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch:
* The Guns of Navarone
* Kelly's Heroes
* A Bridge too Far
* The Longest Day
* Apocalypse Now
* The Matrix
* Blazing Saddles
* The Desert Song
* Mary Poppins
We do not recommend that you watch Khartoum.

To mentally prepare yourself for your mission try reading the works of Wilfred Owen or Rupert Brookes. This should give you some idea of what may be involved.

Yours faithfully,
G. Hoon, Ministry of Defence.
A. Bush - Blair Production

Sponsored by Mars, The Official Snack of World War III
BEER
Zala
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FOR SHAME!!!!!!!!!

Postby Zala » Mon Apr 07, 2003 1:16 am

Mogr hon I love you but to post and poke fun over the conflict is a completely wrong. Even by jazzy standards.I'm sorry but next time i see you in game you shall recieve a severe beating! :( :( :( :( :cry: :x
Yayaril
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Postby Yayaril » Mon Apr 07, 2003 1:33 am

8)

Yeah Mogr! You can only show your disdain before the war, but once it's started, you have to embrace it with all of your heart. Them's the rules!
Jasix Prowlingwolf
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?

Postby Jasix Prowlingwolf » Mon Apr 07, 2003 2:45 am

Does that mean my posts are the benchmark of bad taste?

How said dreams never come true...

In Mogr's defence, you would have to know him IRL to know why he would post such a humerous letter to poke fun at the war effort. He's an aussie like me and we concider it our godless given right to poke fun at and laugh at anything and everything no matter how serious or precious to anyone else. This is the Australian way, laugh cause the world is to fucked up to take it to seriously. I am sure Mogr like myself hopes all the troups make it home ok and the war ends as soon as possible and as little life lost as possible.

I make fun of the war all the time, doesn't mean I dont care or hope people die, some of us just choose to laugh instead of cry in the face of war.

If there was more humour in the world and less seriousness there would be less warring and maybe those dumb ass towel heads would wake up smell the happy times and get on with life and prosper.

Being happy and joking doesn't mean loosing your religeon or your beliefs... unless of course your belief in life is to fuck with anyone that thinks differently then you do...
Corth
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Postby Corth » Mon Apr 07, 2003 3:27 am

I was always under the impression, though, that aussies actually are funny. If thats the best you can do I'm sadly disapointed.
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth

Goddamned slippery mage.
Mplor
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Postby Mplor » Mon Apr 07, 2003 5:23 am

Funny. yes. Just not that kind of funny.
ssar
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Postby ssar » Mon Apr 07, 2003 7:16 am

Oof.

I'm truly sorry to hear that Z.

If it weren't for such light-hearted comical writings about
such dire and serious issues, I beleive the world would be
a much sadder and lesser place.

Personally I am fairly anti-war in general, however I
understand that in some cases it cannot be avoided and
indeed maybe the only way to resolve certain problems and
threats.

Note in the satirical piece the author refers to Wilfred
Owen..
We studied some Wilfred Owen poetry in high school - quite
a long time ago, but I remember much of his work to be very
deep and instill such strong thoughts and purposes that,
even though I didn't fully understand much of it, I will
never forget some of the issues raised and points he made.
Of course, things change and certain old writings can
hardly accurately apply to some modern warfare and
conflict; but some of the broader points remain, and I
beleive should forever stand as a lesson and to past
tragedies.

This piece was obviously written by someone in the UK - I
think it's hilarious, and an excellent lighter peice of
reading in an otherwise darkening world of current affairs
and news headlines.

As far as modern terrorist organizations and those that
significantly help fund and run them, there's little doubt
they need to be stopped and/or eradicated.
There also seems to be significant evidence of other
atrocities and dictator-like misuse and abuse of power by
Saddam Hussein and his sons/regime, such that some serious
action at least was required.

Let's hope it's done as humanely and with as little
"collateral damage" as possible, and that after this
conflict is all over that the new Iraq becomes a much
better place for the general populace of that and
surrounding countries.

Mogr.
BEER
ssar
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Postby ssar » Mon Apr 07, 2003 7:32 am

btw, I love how whoever wrote this said: "we advise that you hire videos of the following films and try and pick up a few tips as you watch: * The Matrix (and) * Blazing Saddles"
ROFL
BEER
Corth
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Postby Corth » Mon Apr 07, 2003 11:35 am

So what have we learned from this silly thread?

Aussie humor is overrated..

...and Mplor continues to avoid making any sense...

Anything else?
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
Ragorn
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Postby Ragorn » Mon Apr 07, 2003 3:30 pm

This is where we all extract the stick from our collective rear ends and laugh at something funny. Laughing at war does not make you a monster, nor does it indicate your are unpatriotic, insensitive, or cruel. It makes you human... one of the primary ways humans deal with tragedy is through humor. Laugh. It's ok.
- Ragorn
Shar: Leave the moaning to the people who have real issues to moan about like rangers or newbies.
Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
Xisiqomelir
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Postby Xisiqomelir » Fri Apr 11, 2003 11:53 am

Corth wrote:So what have we learned from this silly thread?

Aussie humor is overrated..

...and Mplor continues to avoid making any sense...

Anything else?


You might as well learn the Wilfred Owen poem in question, since I had to suffer through it in boarding school at 14, and generate some unearthly quantity of pages regarding it's "sonorific and melodious quality, especially with respect to the poet's previous and future works". (Can you tell that I think literary criticism spoils the fun of literature? ;) )

Dulce Et Decorum Est

by Wilfred Owen
First Published in 1921

Bent double, like old beggars under sacks,
Knock-kneed, coughing like hags, we cursed through sludge,
Till on the haunting flares we turned out backs,
And towards our distant rest began to trudge.
Men marched asleep. Many had lost their boots,
But limped on, blood-shod. All went lame, all blind;
Drunk with fatigue; deaf even to the hoots
Of gas-shells dropping softly behind.

Gas! GAS! Quick, boys!--An ecstasy of fumbling
Fitting the clumsy helmets just in time,
But someone still was yelling out and stumbling
And flound'ring like a man in fire or lime.--
Dim through the misty panes and thick green light,
As under a green sea, I saw him drowning.

In all my dreams before my helpless sight
He plunges at me, guttering, choking, drowning.

If in some smothering dreams, you too could pace
Behind the wagon that we flung him in,
And watch the white eyes writhing in his face,
His hanging face, like a devil's sick of sin,
If you could hear, at every jolt, the blood
Come gargling from the froth-corrupted lungs
Bitter as the cud
Of vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,--
My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est
Pro patria mori.
Thus spake Shevarash: "Invokers are not going to be removed"

Gura: ..btw, being a dick is my god given right as an evil.
moritheil
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Postby moritheil » Sat Apr 12, 2003 7:40 pm

"It is a sweet and fitting thing to die for one's country."

Just in case anyone didn't know the translation ;)

I believe that comes from an even earlier creed or poem...
Yotus group-says 'special quest if you type hi dragon'
Shevarash OOC: 'I feature only the finest mammary glands.'
Silena group-says 'he was so fat and juicy..couldnt resist'
thanuk
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Postby thanuk » Mon Apr 28, 2003 11:25 pm

"The idea in war is not to die for your country. The idea is to make that other son of a bitch die for his country."

General Patton
Mysrel tells you 'have my babies'
You tell Mysrel 'u want me to be ur baby daddy?'
Mysrel tells you 'daddy? No, I think you have the terminology wrong'
You tell Mysrel 'comeon now we both know i would be the top'
Mysrel tells you 'can be where ever you want to be, yer still getting ****** like a drunken cheerleader'

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