For your enjoyment

[Eilistraee]

These are the 10 winners of this year's Bulwer-Lytton contest (run by the English Dept. of San Jose State University), wherein one writes only the first line of a bad novel. Actually, some-- the Santa Claus and the Hemingway are repeaters, says Janet, the bibliographer of crumby lit.

10.) "As a scientist, Prentiss knew that if he were ever to break wind in the echo chamber he would never hear the end of it."

9.) "Just beyond the Narrows, the river widens."

8.) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition and a small straight nose, Connie had a beauty that defied description."

7.) "Ralph, a simple peasant, had only one thing on his mind as he crept along the East wall:'Ralph creep . . . Ralph creep . . . Ralph. . .creep.'

6.) "Stanislaus Smythe, a man always on the cutting edge of narcissism, was about to give his body and soul to a back alley sex-change surgeon to become the woman he loved."

5.) "Although Anne had an abnormal fear of mice, it did not keep her from eeking out a living at a local pet store."

4.) "Arnold looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then, penguins often do."

3.) "Like an over-ripe beefsteak tomato rimmed with cottage cheese, the corpulent remains of Santa Claus lay dead on the hotel floor."

2.) "Mike Hardware was the kind of private eye who didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'; a man who could laugh in the face of danger and spit in the eye of death -- in short, a moron with suicidal tendencies.

AND THE WINNER IS . . .

1.) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, petticoats and crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You little green bastard, you lied!'"

[Llaaldara]

AND THE WINNER IS . . .

1.) "The sun oozed over the horizon, shoved aside darkness, crept along the greensward, and, with sickly fingers, pushed through the castle window, revealing the pillaged princess, petticoats and crown asunder, gaping in frenzied horror at the sated, sodden amphibian lying beside her, disbelieving the magnitude of the frog's deception, screaming madly, "You little green bastard, you lied!'"

Hahahahahahaha!!! :D

Despite all the use of commas, I didn't write it Kia. :D

[Ashiwi]

8.) "With a curvaceous figure that Venus would have envied, a tanned, unblemished oval face framed with lustrous thick brown hair, deep azure-blue eyes fringed with long black lashes, perfect teeth that vied for competition and a small straight nose, Connie had a beauty that defied description."

Wow, which mudder turned in her description?

[thanuk]

I saw a good entry for that at school one time, I don't know if it one or anything but it was great.

Bill and Jane had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

[Salen]

4.) "Arnold looked quite bored and somewhat detached, but then, penguins often do."


I wanna read this, anyone know what it is?