Battered by word of others.

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Battered by word of others.

Postby Valke » Fri Sep 12, 2003 3:01 am

Hi peeps!
I have a problem and a some questions that some of you may be able to answer.

First off. I moved to Portland Oregon with my GF a year ago and we have been working our jobs and doin pretty well. My classes start on the 22nd, and my GF has completed her education. She has not found a job in the portland area(teaching). So, both her and I work for a company that we were warned of. Things went pretty well, I bumped heads with one lady who tried to treat me like a child, I asked her why she felt the need to treat me this way, and she replied with "I had to treat the last guy like a child". Later she then told me that she will no longwer treat me like a child, by this time I moved to a different location. My GF and I both moved to a different part of the company.

Here is what is happening. My GF graduated at the top of her class, honors were her middle name. She has excelled in everything she has ever done, her work ethic and pride for "a job well done" are unmatched. She found flaw in how the business was ran and kept her mouth shut up untill the time it started to affect her. I, at the same time was feeling a little heat from a couple of people in the company. I called a meeting with the manager to discuss a few things, he never returned my call. A weak later a meeting was set, I was thinking this was my doing, but it wasnt, one of the people that were troubling us called, some nosey bastard that posed as my friend then backstabbed me. So, my GF and I were surprised to find out what this meeting held. Turns out the meeting was held because there were reports of the job not getting done properly. My GF and I were pretty surprised at these accusations. Seems that the things we were blamed for are indeed the problems we had worried about from before. Quite frequently my GF comes home in tears because of the stress, and blame. She than discusses these problems with me and are really getting on my nerves. A few things I found out. One man, has taken a liking to the younger looking pretty girls around here, he hug them and picks them up sometimes for a big squeeze, this bothers my Girlfriend, especially when it happens to her. She says "I dont wanna be rude" or "I try to tell him with my body language", I have only seen this happen twice, and its quite bothersome. Shitty thing is, this person is, er was a friend of mine, so I didnt say anything to her about picking up my girlfriend or some other rude sexual things he said to me about her. Now, it is a different story, after he backstabbed me with bullshit, I am ready to retaliate on this matter alone.

Another thing is this; One of the managers here constantly calls in and complains about my GF's performance. My GF works her ass off for this company. My GF found out how incompatant this particular manager is, she has expressed her concern for the matter to a higher manager and yet he seems to just let it go. This same lady that has called in on my GF, has called in on me as well, spoke a couple of lies, a couple of truths, but didnt really hurt me a bit. I have been doin good here.

This is what I think is happening,
My GF, and I are getting Black balled.
the reason I feel is this - The manager has performed poorly at her tasked, others see this and have said things, my GF has said things about this as well, with good reason. My GF is pretty smart, but young, 25. The manager -older- is a single mother and has a suicidle child. I think the manager has seen what progress my GF has brought to the company and is affraid of losing her job, there for she is blackballing my GF every chance she gets. We dont have any authority here, we dont know anyone to talk to about this matter, and we are tired of the cut-throat people in this company. Oregon is amongst the highest in unemployment might I add. So quitting is not a good option.

What can I do about this? I am too old to break things now:(

These people havent really slandered us, sexual harassment is an option to press, but that seems way too extreme. These people are simply black balling us to get us to quit, or worse fired. We have clean work records through-out the company. I bounce from place to place and work with and under several people, my performances at these other places are top notch, there for I am not worried about my part. Im worried about my GF.

Any info that can help will be greatly appreciated, opinions as well.

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Postby Todrael » Fri Sep 12, 2003 3:08 am

Documentation. This is the #1 thing you should be gathering to fight whatever is going on in these office politics. Write down things that are said, with dates and times. Do not use phones to talk with the higher-ups about this - use memos and structured business letters, that you retain a copy of. Document trails are the best thing to have if you ever want to prove the events to anyone, like if you ever did do something like press sexual harassment charges. It's also a way to avoid someone lying about an event or communication.

The more information, the better prepared you are. Evaluations of work, statements from other people that have worked with your GF, or the managers that are slandering you, etc, all this can help your cause. Make a file folder and keep every little scrap you can find.
-Todrael Azz'miala, Ravager
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Postby thanuk » Fri Sep 12, 2003 3:43 am

Or you could just wait till they leave and go f**k around with their computers till they get fired...not that i condone taking a refrigerator magnet to your bosses hard drive or anything...
Mysrel tells you 'have my babies'
You tell Mysrel 'u want me to be ur baby daddy?'
Mysrel tells you 'daddy? No, I think you have the terminology wrong'
You tell Mysrel 'comeon now we both know i would be the top'
Mysrel tells you 'can be where ever you want to be, yer still getting ****** like a drunken cheerleader'
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Postby ssar » Fri Sep 12, 2003 11:37 am

omfg, work politics and dodgy managers not doin shit right.
happens all the time, all over the world.
thankfully, there is beer.
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Postby Shar » Fri Sep 12, 2003 2:19 pm


I have been in this situation myself before. The way you describe it is nearly identical. What ended up happening was unpleasant. I ended up losing my job. Whats important to me though is that *I* no longer allowed it to happen to myself. I stood up for what I thought was right, and now I'm a better person for it. Don't get me wrong, going through it absolutely bit the big one, but I can look back and know I did the right thing. I think what it all boils down to is; is your job so ultimately important to you that you would question your personal and professional integrity, or are you willing to make the sacrifice of possibly being job (and friend)-less?

While I was struggling with the decision of what to do, (just like you and your GF are doing now) I ended up making myself physically ill over the stress, and because of that, everyone in my household suffered in one way or another. I can tell that you are struggling with this problem and that is only natural. The question of "what should I do" is always easier to answer when you aren't personally involved. What I do suggest strongly is - no matter what you decide to do, do it with haste. Waiting to carry out your decisions in these kinds of matters usually ends up lending to the problem instead of curing it.

I'm not trying to jam advice down your throat, but I am glad that I can share what insight I have on your nearly identical situation. Good luck to you, you might end up needing it. :?

btw, not saying the options I presented were the *only* options I had, I could have gone the legal course but that was not a good option at the time. Anyway, I hope it helped... if it didn't, at least know that someone out there reeeeeeeally can relate.

Shar - Forger Administrator, TorilMUD

Brandobaris : (51) [ would a forgotten realms zombie be interested in brains? ]

Shevarash tells you 'Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down..... groan'
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Postby Werg » Fri Sep 12, 2003 2:39 pm

Well, Valke. I pretty much agree with Shar. And as a friend that knew you in RL, I know you'll make it. Just remember the shit you have been through before, and where you are now. No matter what happens, it's not over. You and I both know that. Remembering it is the hard part. :wink:
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Postby moritheil » Fri Sep 12, 2003 2:58 pm

As Grungar likes to say, the game blows.

Best of luck in this trying time, man.
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