In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news", he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, semi-risky and you will have to pay for the brain yourselves." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man, unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask. "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and so to the entire group said, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used."
Nitania
edit: I realize I should have put this in the joke section but wanted extra readers! *wink*
[This message has been edited by Nitania (edited 02-24-2002).]
made me giggle
One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."
"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman', Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies.
"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?"
The rest, as they say, is history.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how
is
everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied, "the sunrises and sunsets are
breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have
just this one problem. It is these three breasts that you have given me.
The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them
with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them on bushes, they are
a
real pain," reported Eve. And Eve went on to tell God that since many
other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., that
she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more
"symmetrically balanced", as she put it.
"That is a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at this,
you
know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only
half
of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.
Three weeks passed, and God once again visits Eve in the garden. "Well,
Eve,
how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one oversight on your part. You
see,
all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her
bull,
all the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right, how
could
I
have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man
from a part of you. Now let's see...where did I put that useless boob?"
"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.
"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy."
"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.
"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."
"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."
"What's a 'woman', Lord?"
"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.
"Sounds great."
"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."
"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies.
"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear."
Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?"
The rest, as they say, is history.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve. "So, how
is
everything going?" inquired God.
"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied, "the sunrises and sunsets are
breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have
just this one problem. It is these three breasts that you have given me.
The middle one pushes the other two out, and I am constantly knocking them
with my arms, catching them on branches, snagging them on bushes, they are
a
real pain," reported Eve. And Eve went on to tell God that since many
other parts of her body came in pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., that
she felt that having only two breasts might leave her body more
"symmetrically balanced", as she put it.
"That is a fair point," replied God, "but it was my first shot at this,
you
know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only
half
of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.
Three weeks passed, and God once again visits Eve in the garden. "Well,
Eve,
how is my favorite creation?"
"Just fantastic," she replied, "but for one oversight on your part. You
see,
all the animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her
bull,
all the animals have a mate except me. I feel so alone."
God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right, how
could
I
have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man
from a part of you. Now let's see...where did I put that useless boob?"
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