monsters we hope to never see

[cherzra]

sentient percentile dice from the plane of irony ("oh, so it's a piece of cake, you need anything over 2, do ya?")

Pattern Baldness mold- this mold shoots a gasseous spray into the air as mode of attack, which causes the sporatic loss of body hair on creatures affected by it

the dreaded Dracochicken

Puff the Magic Dragon

Norkuk the Schizophrenic Orcish Warlord, who has 37 virtually identical personalities.

Mini Giant Vampric Ghoulish Poisonous Acid-spitting Fire-breathing Wingflap-flapping Pigeon

Demon: Napster (steals Bards' songs and gives them to everyone else)

Beach Ball, Chaotic Evil

Rabid Aardvark

Displaced Beast (cousin to the Displacer Beast, but mostly stands around looking lost)

Billy Goat of Armour Eating

Clubby the Baby Seal

The infamous Pink Exploding Chipmunk of Doom

Weregoldfish

Valley Dwarves

A Chocolate Pudding

Gelatinous Shooter (minature version of a Gelatinous Cube flavored with your favorite brand of Alcohol)

Rabid Weiner Dog (Solitary or Packs)

Umpah Lumpahs (A strange offshoot of the gnome race that excels in the art of crafting candy, they have different shades of pastel colored hair and speak only in a sing-song verse)

Gingerbread Men

Half-asslings

Mall Rats

Shambling Mound of Dirty Clothes

Fuzzy Wuzzy Bears

Beavis and Butthead

Dust Bunny of Doom

Shit Monster (From Dogma)

Polka-dot dragon

Tele-tubbies

that taco bell dog

"cheese fries", the incontinent goat

"Spanky" that lovable Half-Ogre / Half-Halfling (quarterling?)

the mime (more dangerous than the mimic)

dire in-law

vile, horrible, Godless Dice which never seem to give you those good rolls

hobbits (those big bad lawyers had something to do with it)

inflatable elf-maiden

Snuggles the Bear

Aprodiaziacal

Lycanthrope: Hamster

Lycanthrope: Chicken

Toe jelly

Care bears (Apparently much too horribly powerful)

Giant teddie bears of uber destruction and atom splitting

Pikachu

Animated cheese

Animated milk

Mr. Winky The Hostile yet Harmless Rabbit

The Sinistar
PC: "Mordiki, where did you say that treasure was locat..."
Sinistar: "BEWARE, I LIVE!!!"
PC: "Oh dear god no!!

The Dreaded Thin Air Monster: "The thin air monster can't strike an individual, be attacked, communicate in anyway, or even have its existence confirmed."

Gnomish Inventor of Polish Inventions
"This is evidence that two wrongs certainly do not make a right."

Face Hugging Wombat

Vicious Rumor

JuJube Zombie- Shambling undead monster, created from the remains of discarded movie theater candy.

McGruff the Crime dog

Cardboard Golem

Wet Willie, the Sloven Salivating Sailor (don't ever close to melee range)

Demon: Greater, Insubstantial

Blinky the Teleporting Imp (that wizard's not schizophrenic after all...)

Masticator (think of a Beholder, but with mouths instead of eyes, each with different foul breath and set of teeth)

Bard, Atonal (he seems pleasant enough until he starts to sing)

Beakers (prone to high-pitched incoherent mumblings and exploding)

Nose Goblins (Steeempie, you eee-diot!)

Ephalumps and Woosels (often found in the vicinity of honeypots and Hallucinating Silly Bears)

Pink Elephants (found near Inebriated Flying Elephants and Circus Mice)

Al Gore:abilities-Power word: sleep

Whining Buffoon of Fast Food lawsuits:
Whining Buffoon of Fast Food Lawsuits spills hot coffee on his lap!
Whining Buffoon of Fast Food Lawsuits sues you!
The party has lost gold:25000


Frenzied Unipede (a centipede with one leg)

Wy-not-vern

Aluminum Foil Dragon

Dopplegangbanger

Velcro Elemental

Possum playing Undead

Misplacer Beast

Humidity Giant

Weredonkey

Dark Keebler Elves

Lag Beast

Shambling Drunkard

Skeleton, Animal - Squirrel

The Sock Monster

Gummi Spider

Earthwyrm

Tann'ari Lesser - Bloody-Minded Donkey from Hell

Dot-con: Intangible creature. You feel the need to give dot-con all your gold pieces until it suddenly dissapears into thin air.

Dot-con CEO: Beware the Dot-con CEO who can spawn Dot-con's by the second. If you manage to defeat a Dot-con CEO you will be awarded with incredible amounts of loot gathered when its Dot-cons disappear. I.e. Private Dragon, Sword-coast Beach Castle.

mystery meat

swedish chefs

Verant employees

near-sighted beholder

polkadot dragon

stinky boots of vomiting

American tourists

that really creepy guy in the supermarket who fondles all the banana's and squeezes the peaches

mike tyson

crap elemental

not-quite-so-giant space hamster

ronald mcdonald

ronald mcdonald's food

richard geer aka "hamster bane"

that tweety bird that you just want to smash with your +2 mace of deep frying

gelatinous jiggler

cross-dressing ogre mage

sausage golem (always gets pestered by the neighbourhood dogs around his master's tower)

gnome with hands in pockets who giggles around women who then slap him and say "Oh, you monster!"

chocolate bunny (hunted to extinction by female adventurers)

dopplegangbanger

jello golem

Barney the Purple Baatezu (Breath attack of Cathode Rays causes fanatic devotion in children and uncontrolable nausea in adults (no save))

Goppledanger: A Dyslexic Doppleganger

Power Rangers: No skills, but spark when you hit them and have more hitpoints than the Tarrasque

Pee Wee Herman: TOO bloody scary...

L33t K|lL3R D0odz

Elven Eco-Terrorist ("So you think you're going to chop some firewood, hmmm? Let's see how you like it!")

Lurking Stump (think of a really fast moving animate low tree stump that trips your party, particularly during crucial moments)

Albino Drow (rather short-lived as they tend to stick out in the Underdark)

Bear, Yogi (smarter than the average Bear, has a tendency to steal party's food and sundries, causes frustration in rangers)

Flying Bat (not the animal, but an animated wooden bat with wings)

Elemental, Pollen (really can't hurt anything, but causes uncontrollable sneezing and watery eyes in most that fight it)

Undead: Platypus (watch out for those spurs on the back legs, even in death they're still venomous)

Carpet, Chaotic Evil (pulls the rug out from under you, literally)

Bill Cosby ("I am King of all the Puddings, Jellies, and Jellos!")

Stick Bug, Ornate (often mistaken for a magic wand, will give a nasty nip to anyone that tries to pick it up)

Llama, Psychic (and you thought they were hard enough to deal with BEFORE they knew what you were thinking)

Magarob the Panic-Depressive Giant (because you never know what to expect, and when you can it's generally not good)

Laden Swallow ("Look out for those coconuts!")

Lycanthrope: Kangaroo ("I'll box your ears off!")

Cyclops, Spitting (can grow to 3-4 times its normal size, only makes attacks every 15 minutes or so, but watch the mess)

Ragged the Flaming Projectile Gerbil ("Armageddon!")

Greater tarrasque

The Five Choatic Evil Female Bards (aka Spice Girls)

Dire Lice

Wild Wheat (Wheat that attacks with an attitude)

Power gnomes

Sir Smurfalot of the Blue League

Hair Elemental

LEGO Golem

Winged Eyeball of Destruction

The dreaded gnome barbarian horde

Cherzra Eat Slime




[This message has been edited by cherzra (edited 04-19-2001).]

[Malacar]

hahahahahahah

"verant employees "

roflmao!

------------------
Mal

PS - As always, opinions contained are my own, and are not intended to offend or upset anyone, but are merely outspoken thoughts from myself. If you have issues with them, bring em up, but keep flaming to emails.

[Ragorn]

Mistranslated Ship Captain !!

ask captain zig

The ship captain's face twists in a display of anguish. "You are too late !! I have already take off every 'ZIG'. There is none left for fighting !!"

- Ragorn

[Gindipple]

Here's a link to the player we hope to never see
http://www.theonion.com/onion3121/billgates.html


------------------
Gindipple (Gnome) stands here.

[Ionari]

You forgot the best one of all:

Santa Claus is standing here with a BIG bag of presents.

[Brugg]

Elven Eco-terrorist? that sounds like Waelos to me :-)

[santego]

This has got to be the funniest thing I ever read. Did you (Cherz) make this up yourself? Dude... when the game comes up I'm going to hunt you down and wait for you to be funny:P I also liked that post you did where the folks only did stuff that "gave the most plusses" and "anything by TSR" or something like that...

[Yayaril]

What about the gorgadusableepatreisalisk?

Yayaril

[Galkar]

I like the Velcro Elemental personally


Galkar -Damn, stuck again-

[Ellyriel]

I noticed the tele-tubbies on that list...
The horror, the horror! I still have the nightmares...

One dark Halloween night on Sojourn...

Tinky Winky kicked my butt!!!

Elly - farm elf from Oklahoma

[Guest]

My favorite was always what a DM of mine put in one of his games:

Bob, the beholder with the messed up levitation spell.

[Elseenas]

I actually have heard of vampiric bunnies in a campaign by a friend (some nutcase was testing a coffin that made anything thrown into undead with wabbits)

------------------

Elseenas of No House Worth Mentioning

[moritheil]

dracochicken... hrm...

------------------
"All yer asses are mine, prepare to die mightily by my sadism!" - Malar

[Ragorn]

Jesus Mori. There's nothing like reading a thread and laughing hysterically, then realizing it's my OWN REPLY FROM OVER A YEAR AGO

- Ragorn
I think I'm funny.

[Guest]

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by cherzra:
<B>Beavis and Butthead
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

funny thing is that there are a pair of beavis and butthead mobs which can be loaded. they stand around going "huhuhuhuhuh" and saying "quit it, asswipe!"

--D2

------------------
Yeah, well you're a nazi!

[Dulzuth]

OMG How can anyone forget the Vorpal Bunny!

------------------
Verzul / Dulzuth - Jabbuk D'faer - Orbdrin D'oloth

[Izizimmez]

You said dopplegangbanger twice...and I think we all know why...

------------------
Tog Vicious

[Grungar]

Bipolar bears! Fear the bipolar bears in their manic state! In their depressive state, they're easy targets for rogues with an itchy backstab finger.

- Grungar "Stabby stabby!" Forgefire

[Tasan]

Dust bunnies... hrmmm

Reminds me of my chest of 20 Text-based Legends of Infocom. Games like Zork, Zork Zero, Ballyhoo, Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Enchanter...

In one of them, there is a room near the beginning of the game inhabited by dust bunnies, and to rid yourself of them you must:
walk carpet
touch bunnies

Cackle.

Twyl

------------------
Not as lost...

<P:std> lost
You are totally and utterly lost! Next time bring a compass!
< 401h/401H 128v/128V >
<P:std> You receive an ornate compass from Twyl.
You give an ornate compass to Twyl.

[sok]

Norkuk the Schizophrenic Orcish Warlord, who has 37 virtually identical personalities.

this is like invasion 2nd gatehouse X 2. I hope Norkuk doesn't cast. *cringe*

sok

[Ionari]

This thread needs reviving. It's too funny to let hibernate in the depths of the BBS...I'm laughing so hard reading this list that tears are getting on my keyboard.

[Sartorix]

Dammit, everytime this thing gets bumped, I think Cherzra has made a comeback

and I cry.