Scenario . . . .

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Daz
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Scenario . . . .

Postby Daz » Sun Aug 11, 2002 10:03 am

So, being the nice little office bee that I am . . . I go to work 10 minutes early. Deciding to spend quality time with some lemonade, I hit the break room.

On my way in, I am stopped by some guy, and we exchanged words. While not verbatim, it went something like this:

"Daz! (names changed for security purposes) Maybe you, being the strong, badass father figure I never had, could do me a favor?"

"Of course, my insignificant follower! What miracles can I perform for you today?"

"I am honored! The dreaded vending machine of St. Hershey has taken my coins, and will not give the M&M treats that I so crave!"

"WHAT!! Why . . . "

At this point, I kicked the machine as hard as I could with my size 15 Nike Basketball sneakers. Jordan baby. The machine didn't move! The piece of crap actually did not move when I kicked it!

Well, of course there was only one thing to do! I lowered a shoulder, and went to rock it's world. But the devious device managed to leak some fluid, and I slipped. Instead of a solid impact with my shoulder, my head crashed through the glass, shattering the pane and sending 5 shards of glass into my head, and blood and fragments all over the room.

While not the method that I had forseen, I DID salvage those M&M's for my grateful coworkers. However, a month later - still nursing my new, and very cool, scar; I was informed that I would not get the promotion I was hoping for, due to my history of breaking expensive company property with no regard to policies that clearly say "No putting your head through any company rented materials to salvage any yummy candy coated treats."

Who is at fault here? The co-worker, the vending machine, or the policies?

You make the call.

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-Daz "<^> (*¿*) <^>" Proudwolf
Corth
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Postby Corth » Sun Aug 11, 2002 10:13 am

Your missing the fourth option...

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Goddamned slippery mage.
thanuk
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Postby thanuk » Sun Aug 11, 2002 11:02 am

To operate the vending machine, first you insert... You know what, if you can't operate the vending machine, just raise your hand and Tommy boy will be over to hit you on the head with a tack hammer because you are a retard.


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Thanuk Pantherclaw
Ragorn
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Postby Ragorn » Sun Aug 11, 2002 11:02 am

d) The employee that doesn't realize bodychecking office equpiment isn't appropriate professional behavior Image

BTW office buildings have to be APPROVED to get soda and snack machines above the first floor. They're so heavy, there have been instances of structural damage to the floor in some cases. They're DESIGNED to not move when you kick them :P

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- Ragorn
Jenera says 'i managed to match a little, ragorn's outfit is hideous.'
Turxx
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Postby Turxx » Sun Aug 11, 2002 12:35 pm

rofl.
thats funny, YOU broke a machine, its pretty much as simple as that
Deltin
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Postby Deltin » Sun Aug 11, 2002 6:02 pm

I think you have a lawsuit on your hands. The machine should have had plexi glass and not real glass to prevent those kinds of injuries. The manufacture of the vending machine is at fault for your injuries.
Remember the hot coffee thing and McDonalds? Or the chicken head in the Kentucky fried chicken bucket? Same thing applies here.
(no I'm not being serious Image )

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So whad are we gonna do tonight Brain? Same thing we do everynight Pinky, TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!
dyrxes
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Postby dyrxes » Sun Aug 11, 2002 10:49 pm

hehe i think this is daz's funniest post ever :D
i'm not laughing at him, either. i'm serious! :P~ the tone of the story cracks me up .. little short sentences like "Jordan baby" interspersed here and there make me snicker.. heh! plus after the glass cut him up, he totally dismisses it and remarks that the m&ms were rescued.. as if that was important .. HAHAHAHA!
Ambar
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Postby Ambar » Mon Aug 12, 2002 9:17 am

your group leader should have told you to use your heaviest shield and BASH not bodyslam!!! or was that a headbutt?? hrrmm ... spunch??

anyway im wondering if that $.60 m&m bag was worth the raise you'd be enjoying now??

funny funny detailing tho .. impressed with your story telling ability Image

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Ambar -= Beloved Matron =- Crimson Coalition
Daz
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Postby Daz » Mon Aug 12, 2002 11:47 am

I realized now what went wrong. Humans do not have innate bodyslam, but it does allow us to fail.

Btw - about the plexiglass. I know Image I had 3 weeks paid vacation, they agreed not to fire me, and I promised that there would not be a third run-in with the vending machines :P

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-Daz "<^> (*¿*) <^>" Proudwolf
Rausrh
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Postby Rausrh » Mon Aug 12, 2002 2:50 pm

"I promised that there would not be a third run-in with the vending machines"

Too funny.
You do know that the proper way to retieve waylaid sugary delights is to grasp the top of the machine rock it back and forth. Of course with your track record you would probably end up underneath a toppled machine looking like the remnints of Bigby’s grasp.



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Rausrh licks you.
Ragorn
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Postby Ragorn » Mon Aug 12, 2002 2:57 pm

Or you could put another 60 cents into the machine and get two snacks Image

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- Ragorn
Jenera says 'i managed to match a little, ragorn's outfit is hideous.'
Ishul
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Postby Ishul » Mon Aug 12, 2002 5:27 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Daz:
<B>I promised that there would not be a third run-in with the vending machines :P

</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

... which would make this run-in number two - what was the first?? Image

Ishul
Treladian
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Postby Treladian » Tue Aug 13, 2002 1:01 am

I ph33r the day Daz finds a vend-a-goat machine.

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You fire a black-shafted elven arrow to the east at Gormal's pet goat with masterful shooting that does lethal damage!
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Daz
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Postby Daz » Tue Aug 13, 2002 1:41 am

The first run in with the machines was why I could not rock the machine. They bolted them all down. I would shoulder tackle the vending machines, and make all the candy and soda's fall out. My personal best is 36 soda's with one hit.

So they bolted the machines down. (It was written off as faulty company equipment :P)
So, when I couldn't do that anymore, I just went through it.

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-Daz "<^> (*¿*) <^>" Proudwolf
Turxx
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Postby Turxx » Tue Aug 13, 2002 7:43 am

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Rausrh:
<B>"I promised that there would not be a third run-in with the vending machines"


Too funny.
You do know that the proper way to retieve waylaid sugary delights is to grasp the top of the machine rock it back and forth. Of course with your track record you would probably end up underneath a toppled machine looking like the remnints of Bigby?s grasp.


</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

that just made me think of the time homer got traped under the vending machine in the hospital, too funny
Turxx
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Postby Turxx » Tue Aug 13, 2002 7:44 am

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm........chocolate
kiryan
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Postby kiryan » Tue Aug 13, 2002 3:19 pm

omg rofl. you and kossuth should swap vending machine war stories. hes got a good one.

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moritheil
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Postby moritheil » Tue Aug 13, 2002 8:26 pm

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Daz:
<B>I realized now what went wrong. Humans do not have innate bodyslam, but it does allow us to fail.

Btw - about the plexiglass. I know Image I had 3 weeks paid vacation, they agreed not to fire me, and I promised that there would not be a third run-in with the vending machines :P
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>

This is the funniest Daz has been in months.

Go daz!

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