Long Overdue...

Archive of the Sojourn3 General Discussion Forum.
Yasden
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Long Overdue...

Postby Yasden » Mon Mar 12, 2001 12:49 pm

What I'm about to say is an apology to all that crossed paths with me. Please bear with me, as this may turn out to be a long-winded post.

Five and a half years ago, I began my mudding career. Seemingly innocent at the time, I had no idea of what I would become over time. I became selfish, greedy, and extremely opinionated towards people. I became what I loathe most...a hypocrite.

I started bitching and whining about not getting into groups at first. When I finally got the skills to get the groups, I started complaining about the eq. After I got the eq, I moaned and groaned about it not being good enough...it was never good enough for me. I was trying to be someone that I didn't deserve to be. In striving for this, I stepped on a lot of people, hurt a lot of people's feelings, and generally gave off the image of being a twink. I was, I realize now, no matter how much I denied it before.

After all this time without Sojourn...you would've thought I'd realized this long ago, maybe even before the shutdown. But I just realized this two days ago. And this apology is long overdue to everyone. For what it is worth, I am sincerely sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for taking advantage of those of you for my own gain.

I was a mercenary monk, who simply sold his services to the group who could offer him the best eq. In doing so I never really developed any close friendships with any of you, and I regret that. I know that a LOT of you merely tolerated me, even though you loathed me and hated me. That's understandable, I just wish you'd said something. Doesn't matter though, I figured it out for myself.

I hope those of you who lead the groups I was in can forgive me for bitching at you in tells for not cutting me a break, when I was already extremely lucky. I hope those of you who I grouped with can forgive me for yelling at you in gsays for getting me killed or winning something I wanted. I hope the gods that couldn't stand me can forgive me for petitioning and swearing cause someone stole a rare I wanted. I hope those of you who asked me for help can forgive me when I denied it when I really had the knowledge and/or time to help you.

I don't know what happened to me...I used to not care about the trivial things, only about having fun and helping people out that were less fortunate...and look at what I became. The total anti-thesis of what I stood for in real life, generosity and caring.

So, this is long overdue in coming, hopefully it's not too late for some of you to forgive me, and maybe even for some of you who can relate to the situation to wake up and realize what I did. If you can't find it feasible to accept this, I understand. Some of the things I did were probably beyond forgiveness in your eyes. I just want you all to know that it shall never happen again, becoming the selfish bastard that I did back then. I was an ass, and it won't happen again on Sojourn 3, nor ever.

Thanks for your time in reading this and hearing what I have to say. If you were truly my friend through all that, please let me know.

Sincerely,

Yasden Vassant _\|/_ Mantra of the Rising Sun _\|/_
Targsk Mosh Dwarf
aka Ryan
formerly known as The Twink
Jerra
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Postby Jerra » Mon Mar 12, 2001 10:58 pm

Yasden,

Normally I don't reply to post... or write any of my own... I have done one of each till now... But I thought this post was rather interesting.

Most people seem to forget something very simple when it comes to mudding... yes you are interacting with a pc , and a monitor...sending text message's back and forth with someone else .

Wait !... did I say someone else?.... Another person maybe? OMG!!!

It's easy to get sidetracked and misplace the concept that there is another person there with you . Most of us are used to one or two player games. Usually the two player games we are both sitting in the same room and one player games there is no other person. I would like to think that with exception of a certain assassin and a certain god ( who's name's I won't mention )that I never really offended anyone... but I'm sure I probably did... and for those I did who may think it was intentional...sorry to inform you ... but you would be sadly mistaken.

Anyway Yasden ... I was pretty impressed with your post... but here is more truth of humanism... if one of the above people I mentioned with no names reads this ... I am sure you will see a petty post responded.

Anyway man Prop's to your attempt at trying to right the wrong's you feel you have done... I think however that not everyone honestly feels as badly about you as you think they do.
Waelos
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Postby Waelos » Mon Mar 12, 2001 11:21 pm

Ya know Yasden, I'm so sick of you! *snicker* I'm just kidding man. =) I like to see more people becoming concerend with the humanity on the other ends of our personas. Waelos has feelings, Yasden has feelings, so does everyone. The mud is like the world . . . there are jerks out there. Hardcore unreproductive quadraped rectums. There are real angels out there. I say we should all make a concerted effort to remember each and every thing we do affects other people. =)

Hey, I'd like the think Im not a hypocrite. I know I've not always followed the creed I'm endorsing here. Really, we can't always follow it. We are, by nature, selfish creatures playing a game which promotes and demands self preservation and promotion. We can't help everyone, all the time, or we'll not have any fun.

We, as players, have two responsibilities as I see it:
1) Help those you can and when it is not feasible, at least dignify the request with an amiable response (tell waelos 'hey im sorry to hear you died to the displacer beast again . . .I'm in manscorps atm, so I cant help you right now. you might want to try using zmud's command stacking to spam in and drag out. don't forget your light!')

and

2) If you are on the other end of being refused help, be understanding. You (me too) aren't the center of the universe. Just because I died to the DB doesn't mean anyone is obligated to assist me. don't automatically take it personally 'tell Bloohar 'you elitist twink, you never help me, bah waah, jerk, nerd, monkeyspit!' just be like 'hey thanks anyway, good luck!' and let it go. ask someone else =) someone will probably help.

Most important, I think, is to be respectful. It isn't always easy, but try. thats all we need to do.

And Yasden . . . near as I can tell, personally, I never thought you were that bad. Of course, I've largely been oblivious throughout my career as to personal politics and such =)

Looks like we're all getting a clean slate. Lets use this =) Cherish it. =)

That is all for now.

Waelos
Jenera
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Postby Jenera » Tue Mar 13, 2001 1:22 am

*hug Yasden*
i didnt know you too well but i will be sure to get to know you this wipe if only for the reason that i respect you greatly for your post Image
and if you are upset about your attitude, if you think about it in another context..
you RP'ed with the best of em Image

Jennie
Gindipple
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Postby Gindipple » Tue Mar 13, 2001 3:22 am

This brings to my mind a picture of the very end of the movie The Breakfast Club. I'd bet we are all twinks in our own right. As for who is more of one?, who is to judge this? If you feel like you've improved your quality of life, then great. Personally I never thought of you as a twink. If you ask 10 people what the definition of a twink is you'd probably get 10 different answers anyway.

Anyways thanks for posting about it, now I have more people on my list of guilt ridden minds that I can beg eq from. <evil grin> Just kiddin Image
Malacar
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Postby Malacar » Tue Mar 13, 2001 3:50 am

Yasden, I wouldn't sweat it too much... I was/am in the same boat. I felt I had wronged a lot of people(which I did), and made my apologies.. And resoundingly... People just said 'what's done is done.'. It really made me blink... And a couple of folks whom I thought would hate my guts for years to come emailed me saying 'hey no sweat, it's in the past.'

I've got to say... That made me look forward to Soj3 with a vengeance.. Though if it makes you feel any better, I still hate ya. Image

Just kidding dude, glad to see you again.

Malacar/Kelwynne
Jurdex
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Postby Jurdex » Tue Mar 13, 2001 5:55 am

You were such a twink. <grin>

Just messing with you. Take it easy, Spasden! Hope to see you around. Image

Jurdex
Mikar
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Postby Mikar » Tue Mar 13, 2001 6:08 am

Yasden -

Hey man.

I agree with Malacar. Don't sweat it. I am also in the same boat. We all have our rough stages in life where perspective gets a bit clouded. I made my apologies, explained my reasoning, and am looking forward to a clean slate.

And I had all sorts of people come out of the woodwork and ICQ me, basically saying no big deal. . .they made the same mistakes. And it is in the past.

I'll leave the names anonymous, but you'd be surprised who can get along after some of the nasty politics and backstabbing that occurred during Sojourn 1&2.

Anyway, look forward to seeing ya in the game.

-Bob / Mikar
Jhorr
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Postby Jhorr » Tue Mar 13, 2001 2:06 pm

Shhhh! Don't post things like this. People from Duris might think we're weak. Image
Grintor
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Postby Grintor » Wed Mar 14, 2001 6:00 am

having had my fair share of incidences where i really shoulda kept my fat fingers off the keyboard, i applaud yasden's effort. The majority of us found this place in our early 20's, and we are much older now. (5 years ago i started playing this mud) we have all changed i'm sure, and it's helped some to have had the mud down for so long, and for our alternatives (duris, everquest) littered with folks that are - can you believe - worse than us!

Anyway I'm hoping i can start 'ol grintor the warrior again when the mud reopens, as well as play narial the assassin, grela the warrior, rindomas the druid and even kalasaer the conjurer. I also look forward to seeing a lot of folks that i've lost touch with like Tesi, Coras, Drabyl, Diac and any of the old wyrmies. I just hope that the sins of grintor passed wont come back to haunt me, and i apologize to folks like tol and others that i've wronged in the passed.

bye and have fun!
Gormal
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Postby Gormal » Wed Mar 14, 2001 7:36 am

Yasden thanks for reminding me why I hate you. I shall make a wide swath away form your house now Image
3nj0y!
Tagad
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Postby Tagad » Wed Mar 14, 2001 7:47 am

Its funny how we learn to forgive certain people for their transgressions in the past. And funny how some of us always remember certain people who have wronged us Image

Some of the people I have hated the most have become some of my best online friends. Would you belive that jerk Sarkhon and I are good friends online now? How about that freak Temg? Two people which were diametrically apposed to me in our playing times.

I met one of my best friends from Everquest by training (Pulling agro npcs) onto his group and him training my groups. Then one day it clicked, were both jerks lets be friends and be jerks to the rest of the world.

Anyways, sometimes we forget, sometimes we forgive, sometimes we make great friends and other times... we just keep silent hatred which still seethes when we think of the past. (No thats not dirrected at you Targsk Image

Tagad Sigil
Jasix Prowlingwolf
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Postby Jasix Prowlingwolf » Thu Mar 15, 2001 8:54 am

Hey Yas,

Well we are all hypocrites. The only true hypocrites are those that cant amit that are hypocrites. Sort of like saying your not insane when we all know everyone is crazy :P

You sholdn't have to say sorry for your whining, hell i am still whining and i aint about to say sorry for it :P Bt i am surew some of your comments to people over the years have made them think and hopefully correct their selfish ways. Everyone wants the best for themselves but when people start ticking off others to help themselves then... We should ALL speak up and set them straight.

Yas is one of those mudders I will always remeber, not cause he was a mate or he was spanky and his monk was better then mine.. But because he muds with a heart, speaks his mind and has the courage to admit his mistakes. We all make mistakes, we all treat people badly at times but those that cant admit their wrong doings and change are the that are remebered for all their bad deeds and never the good ones.

Take care Yas, your not a twink your just a very very naughty boy!





------------------
Jasix Prowlingwolf
Protector of Clan Prowlingwolf
Alistra
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Postby Alistra » Thu Mar 15, 2001 10:05 pm

I'm in the same boat with Jenera on this one.. I don't really know you, but I definitely respect you for that post. Most people never come to realize that they have treated others badly, and even when they do they don't apologize. (And boy, believe me, I have met my share of egotistical jerks, hypocrites, etc... yes, even on Sojourn. Image) You're a kind, brave soul to apologize so publicly. *hugs* Hope to see you around.
Alistra
Hathgar
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Postby Hathgar » Thu Mar 15, 2001 10:29 pm

Hey man, have a change of life? I think one of the other posts nailed it when they said you think worse about yourself then others. I knew you before Yasden and before Targsk, I think your name was Gaban, and you sure did gab alot, so it was fitting. Don't know what I'm gonna do now that you aren't gonna be your old self.

Hathgar
Yasden
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Postby Yasden » Sat Mar 17, 2001 12:33 am

Whoa! Hath! How the hell you been man? I haven't heard from you in eons. You're one of the few who still remembers I was that worthless troll before (29 dex!)...but do you remember before that? When I was Raskan the barbarian shaman? LOL!

Anyway hope to see you on Sojourn 3 man, great to know yer old ass is still alive. :P

Yas
Ionari
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Postby Ionari » Sun Mar 18, 2001 5:21 am

Life within the realms of Sojourn/Toril/Sojourn3/Sojourn3 means something to each of us who participates here. To some of us, it means more. To a select few, it means nearly everything. And yes, to a handful (or two), it meant everything.

What we do, what we say, how we interact with PCs and !PCs on this mud reflect to an extent our lives outside of the mud.

A majority of the characters here were molded from their `real life` personas. Some people got so involved in this mud that their entire lives changed. Real life included. What they did in RL started to take on certain characteristics of their characters. I know my life was touched (to put it lightly) by my mudding experiences here.

One post I read a while ago after Soj2 shut down closed with the following quote and I found it terrifyingly accurate:

..
You received your share of experience.
Trust me.
..

Dedicating time out of our lives to interact with others in this mudding scene has been something I am sure we have loved and hated. Emotions play a major part of how successful we are. Peer pressure, aspirations, oversights, generosity, fear, aggression, pensiveness, kindness, morality, persistence: all qualities we use in one form or another every moment we are in the realm.

There have been times when actions involving my characters were completely misunderstood due to the severity of a particular situation. Caught up in the moment, I have mistaken a comment to mean something else. Retaliated back and made a mountain out of a mole hill. Only hindsight showed me the true nature of the episodes and just how stupid I or someone else acted when the pressure was on.

Words sharp as knives flow easily from our fingers just as easily as words smooth as silk do when our emotions are exacerbated to their limits. It is all part of the role playing. We live in a far from perfect world. Do not expect to mud in a perfect one either.

I am glad when we realize that this is just a game and that we shouldn't take it too seriously in respects to influencing our lives. You should take serious note of your actions towards others and how sensitive they might be. Sometimes words will affect someone and it might have a devastating effect.

When you realize you have wronged someone, apologize. Make up for it somehow. Don't let something benign fester into something potentially malignant.

Enjoy yourself! This can be an exhilarating experience when you don't sweat the small stuff.

Let us all forge Sojourn III into the best MUD of all time, like it always has been. (:

Io

PS - Sorry Yasden, I didn't really comment much on how good I felt when I read your post and the honest emotions you expressed like others did in their replies. I got caught up in the moment and posted my thoughts on how I view my mudding experience from my first person vision and a third person observation from my many many idle moments spend in various zones people watching. Welcome back Ryan.

D

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