As some of you know, I'm a technical support front line grunt for Dish Network. My job is to interact with the customer on common technical issues. I've been on the job for about 4 months now, and I have something I'd like to share with you:
www.livejournal.com/users/echodork
This is the compilation of all the lamest, tear my hair out, screaming, shit myself, sorry for humanity calls I get on a day to day basis. I'm going to try to update three times a week. Please take five minutes of your time to read basically the best humor I can offer you. I like to think I'm a pretty good writer, and I tend to think this stuff is pretty funny. Thanks for your time.
Here's a teaser:
"I swear to sweet Jesus in heaven above if he hits the button on the receiver one more time I'm going to drive to the nearest bar, empty my wallet on the counter, and drink myself down to his level."
(EDIT) Please read from the bottom up, as LiveJournal posts the newest entries at the top. It makes more sense if you read them in the correct order.
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- Ragorn
Rondandal tells you 'I take it your goal is to clash?'
[This message has been edited by Ragorn (edited 11-19-2002).]
A little tech support humor
BTDT mang, I used to do tech support for HP tape backups, and AT&T cable.
Loved HP when a dental hygenist would call in asking for help.... totally clueless
and of course the mothers on AT&T calling about the $600 in adult PPV's from the last month, when it was just her and her 12 year old son living there, and HE wouldn't do that....
Thank GOD I'm outa that....
Toplack
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Loved HP when a dental hygenist would call in asking for help.... totally clueless
and of course the mothers on AT&T calling about the $600 in adult PPV's from the last month, when it was just her and her 12 year old son living there, and HE wouldn't do that....
Thank GOD I'm outa that....
Toplack
------------------
I can honestly say I know exactly what you are going through.... I have held two jobs on phone customer service... one was at spiegel and the other Conseco... I don't know how things go at Dish but at both places I have worked customer service is saying I'm sorry really really nice and giving your money back or telling you that yes you were scammed and ain't life a bitch (in the nicest possible way of course)
hehe I just deleted 20 or so lines of text here before I posted simply because I would be here all night telling you my stories of america's stupid and gullable.
Stay Strong!
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Kasula OOC: 'the butt tells all... if your any bit fat... your butt will tell'
Kasula OOC: 'kinda like the crystal ball of the human body'
hehe I just deleted 20 or so lines of text here before I posted simply because I would be here all night telling you my stories of america's stupid and gullable.
Stay Strong!
------------------
Kasula OOC: 'the butt tells all... if your any bit fat... your butt will tell'
Kasula OOC: 'kinda like the crystal ball of the human body'
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Ragorn:
<B>As some of you know, I'm a technical support front line grunt for Dish Network. My job is to interact with the customer on common technical issues. I've been on the job for about 4 months now, and I have something I'd like to share with you:
www.livejournal.com/users/echodork
This is the compilation of all the lamest, tear my hair out, screaming, shit myself, sorry for humanity calls I get on a day to day basis. I'm going to try to update three times a week. Please take five minutes of your time to read basically the best humor I can offer you. I like to think I'm a pretty good writer, and I tend to think this stuff is pretty funny. Thanks for your time.
Here's a teaser:
"I swear to sweet Jesus in heaven above if he hits the button on the receiver one more time I'm going to drive to the nearest bar, empty my wallet on the counter, and drink myself down to his level."
(EDIT) Please read from the bottom up, as LiveJournal posts the newest entries at the top. It makes more sense if you read them in the correct order.
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
hey rags doing tech for dell i can simpathize with you bro
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Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
<B>As some of you know, I'm a technical support front line grunt for Dish Network. My job is to interact with the customer on common technical issues. I've been on the job for about 4 months now, and I have something I'd like to share with you:
www.livejournal.com/users/echodork
This is the compilation of all the lamest, tear my hair out, screaming, shit myself, sorry for humanity calls I get on a day to day basis. I'm going to try to update three times a week. Please take five minutes of your time to read basically the best humor I can offer you. I like to think I'm a pretty good writer, and I tend to think this stuff is pretty funny. Thanks for your time.
Here's a teaser:
"I swear to sweet Jesus in heaven above if he hits the button on the receiver one more time I'm going to drive to the nearest bar, empty my wallet on the counter, and drink myself down to his level."
(EDIT) Please read from the bottom up, as LiveJournal posts the newest entries at the top. It makes more sense if you read them in the correct order.
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
hey rags doing tech for dell i can simpathize with you bro
------------------
Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Ssikin:
<B>I would be here all night telling you my stories of america's stupid and gullable.
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I did a VERY short stint working for AOL. I don't think they get any worse than that.
<B>I would be here all night telling you my stories of america's stupid and gullable.
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
I did a VERY short stint working for AOL. I don't think they get any worse than that.
-
Ilshadrial
- Sojourner
- Posts: 417
- Joined: Sun Jan 28, 2001 6:01 am
- Location: Atlanta
- Contact:
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Ashiwi:
I did a VERY short stint working for AOL. I don't think they get any worse than that.</font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Lol ash.. but woul you expect anything but the dumbest callers from AOL users?
I did a VERY short stint working for AOL. I don't think they get any worse than that.</font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
Lol ash.. but woul you expect anything but the dumbest callers from AOL users?
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Mikayla:
hey rags doing tech for dell i can simpathize with you bro</font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
lol, when comcast started hiring tech support a couple years ago for high speed internet - half the dell tech support in the area quit and came to work for us. i think 1/3 of our department is former dell workers
hey rags doing tech for dell i can simpathize with you bro
</font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>lol, when comcast started hiring tech support a couple years ago for high speed internet - half the dell tech support in the area quit and came to work for us. i think 1/3 of our department is former dell workers
sadly, comcast is now taking AOL's customers from them, and aol is paying us to do it - so that they will be aol customers using comcast high speed.
oh my god
the people who use aol for the most part have GOT to be some of the lowest forms of evolutionary plankton in the history of existence.
"my internet don't work no mo'"
"how long has this been going on? what are your modem lights doing?"
"what's a modem?"
"it's a generic name we give to our routers for familiarity. a modem is a device that converts signals from analog to digital and vice versa. you can see how this doesn't technically apply to the hardware you now have."
"huh?"
"the little box we gave you with the flashing lights."
oh my god
the people who use aol for the most part have GOT to be some of the lowest forms of evolutionary plankton in the history of existence.
"my internet don't work no mo'"
"how long has this been going on? what are your modem lights doing?"
"what's a modem?"
"it's a generic name we give to our routers for familiarity. a modem is a device that converts signals from analog to digital and vice versa. you can see how this doesn't technically apply to the hardware you now have."
"huh?"
"the little box we gave you with the flashing lights."
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Ilshadrial:
<B>Hey what is your number and extension?
I think I could have fun with you!
hahah *evil grin*
Kevin
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
have fun with who ilsha? me? i think not, you i just ignore
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Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
<B>Hey what is your number and extension?
I think I could have fun with you!
hahah *evil grin*
Kevin
</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
have fun with who ilsha? me? i think not, you i just ignore
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Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Daz:
lol, when comcast started hiring tech support a couple years ago for high speed internet - half the dell tech support in the area quit and came to work for us. i think 1/3 of our department is former dell workers</font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
really daz? where you live? maybe i come work for you also
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Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
lol, when comcast started hiring tech support a couple years ago for high speed internet - half the dell tech support in the area quit and came to work for us. i think 1/3 of our department is former dell workers</font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
really daz? where you live? maybe i come work for you also
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Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
new castle, delaware is comcast internet technical support headquarters. cherry hill, new jersey is our engineers.
14 dollars an hour, 40 hours a week. full benefits, 401k, stock options, free high speed internet, and every cable channel in existence, including adult channels. yearly raises of 3-8%, performance based. option up to 20 hours a week of overtime at time and a half. when you start, you get 2 weeks paid vacation. 7 paid holidays. 4 paid sick days. 8 paid personal vacation days. you get these days off every year, too.
you never work more than 6 hours in an 8 hour day, and some days you work less than an hour. its a cubicle job, so a good amount of time is spent waging war with rubber bands and paperclips, and passing around maxim and stuff magazine.
14 dollars an hour, 40 hours a week. full benefits, 401k, stock options, free high speed internet, and every cable channel in existence, including adult channels. yearly raises of 3-8%, performance based. option up to 20 hours a week of overtime at time and a half. when you start, you get 2 weeks paid vacation. 7 paid holidays. 4 paid sick days. 8 paid personal vacation days. you get these days off every year, too.
you never work more than 6 hours in an 8 hour day, and some days you work less than an hour. its a cubicle job, so a good amount of time is spent waging war with rubber bands and paperclips, and passing around maxim and stuff magazine.
oh, and we use unskilled canadian technical support for outsourcing. when a customer insists you don't know what you are talking about, you agree and transfer them to a canadian mcdonald's worker. seriously.
if you call for help, and hear a canadian accent, hang up - fast.
i had to transfer a guy once who couldn't install his network card (of course, the man was a network engineer, as he often told me) so i sent him up to canada. when i told the canadian the guys account info and the problem, he promptly asked me 'so, what does the network card actually do?'
the tech support, not the customer.
so, instead of transferring him, i conference called and we all had a good laugh.
if you call for help, and hear a canadian accent, hang up - fast.
i had to transfer a guy once who couldn't install his network card (of course, the man was a network engineer, as he often told me) so i sent him up to canada. when i told the canadian the guys account info and the problem, he promptly asked me 'so, what does the network card actually do?'
the tech support, not the customer.
so, instead of transferring him, i conference called and we all had a good laugh.
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Daz:
<B>new castle, delaware is comcast internet technical support headquarters. cherry hill, new jersey is our engineers.
14 dollars an hour, 40 hours a week. full benefits, 401k, stock options, free high speed internet, and every cable channel in existence, including adult channels. yearly raises of 3-8%, performance based. option up to 20 hours a week of overtime at time and a half. when you start, you get 2 weeks paid vacation. 7 paid holidays. 4 paid sick days. 8 paid personal vacation days. you get these days off every year, too.
you never work more than 6 hours in an 8 hour day, and some days you work less than an hour. its a cubicle job, so a good amount of time is spent waging war with rubber bands and paperclips, and passing around maxim and stuff magazine.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
thats it? i need more of everything
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Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
<B>new castle, delaware is comcast internet technical support headquarters. cherry hill, new jersey is our engineers.
14 dollars an hour, 40 hours a week. full benefits, 401k, stock options, free high speed internet, and every cable channel in existence, including adult channels. yearly raises of 3-8%, performance based. option up to 20 hours a week of overtime at time and a half. when you start, you get 2 weeks paid vacation. 7 paid holidays. 4 paid sick days. 8 paid personal vacation days. you get these days off every year, too.
you never work more than 6 hours in an 8 hour day, and some days you work less than an hour. its a cubicle job, so a good amount of time is spent waging war with rubber bands and paperclips, and passing around maxim and stuff magazine.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
thats it? i need more of everything
------------------
Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
Damn Rags I feel for ya buddy. I have had a few customer service nightmares in my time too. I just recently started a job with at a Cingular Wireless call center myself. I thank the gods that I am working at the branch that covers the west coast only heh. If I had to work at the Louisiana or Atlanta branch I would prolly end up bald and in a drunken stupor after the first month on the phones.
I mean California people are anal enough, but anal illiterate rednecks that bought their phone so that they could keep in touch with their sheep while they are away from the farm chasin after city folk that done went and wandered off into the woods alone (thinking of the Banjo Duel song as I type this) just would take the cake for me in all honesty.
Oh and if any of you folks that happen to read this get offended, just keep in mind that I was born in Mississippi and raised in Louisiana so I get to badmouth southern folk due to my roots So ya'll jus go on o'er yonder and shet yer mouth y'hear?
Oh hey Daz, if I happen to know what PAP and CHAP mean, does that mean I have advanced network knowledge?
Kallinar....What do you have to say?
[Edit] : Oh my...you ought to see the looks I get from people at Cingular when they hear that I have Verizon service on my cell phone. heh. Its like an Irish guy walkin into an Italian mafia don's home and sayin "Top 'o da mornin to ya lad."
[This message has been edited by Kallinar (edited 11-21-2002).]
I mean California people are anal enough, but anal illiterate rednecks that bought their phone so that they could keep in touch with their sheep while they are away from the farm chasin after city folk that done went and wandered off into the woods alone (thinking of the Banjo Duel song as I type this) just would take the cake for me in all honesty.
Oh and if any of you folks that happen to read this get offended, just keep in mind that I was born in Mississippi and raised in Louisiana so I get to badmouth southern folk due to my roots
So ya'll jus go on o'er yonder and shet yer mouth y'hear?Oh hey Daz, if I happen to know what PAP and CHAP mean, does that mean I have advanced network knowledge?
Kallinar....What do you have to say?
[Edit] : Oh my...you ought to see the looks I get from people at Cingular when they hear that I have Verizon service on my cell phone. heh. Its like an Irish guy walkin into an Italian mafia don's home and sayin "Top 'o da mornin to ya lad."
[This message has been edited by Kallinar (edited 11-21-2002).]
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Daz:
<B>yeah, i forgot job requirements - you need a high school diploma and basic networking knowledge.
basic = do you know what tcp/ip is? what is an smtp server?
everything else is covered in the 2 months of paid training.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
hrm? let me think, does that having something to do with my computer? LOL LOL LOL LOL
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Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
<B>yeah, i forgot job requirements - you need a high school diploma and basic networking knowledge.
basic = do you know what tcp/ip is? what is an smtp server?
everything else is covered in the 2 months of paid training.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
hrm? let me think, does that having something to do with my computer?
LOL LOL LOL LOL ------------------
Her Royal Bitchness Eye Aeturnum
<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">Originally posted by Daz:
<B>oh, and we use unskilled canadian technical support for outsourcing. when a customer insists you don't know what you are talking about, you agree and transfer them to a canadian mcdonald's worker. seriously.
if you call for help, and hear a canadian accent, hang up - fast.
i had to transfer a guy once who couldn't install his network card (of course, the man was a network engineer, as he often told me) so i sent him up to canada. when i told the canadian the guys account info and the problem, he promptly asked me 'so, what does the network card actually do?'
the tech support, not the customer.
so, instead of transferring him, i conference called and we all had a good laugh.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
OMFG!!! Stop it Daz!!!! I'm dying on the floor laughing!
You have to be making this shit up!!!
<B>oh, and we use unskilled canadian technical support for outsourcing. when a customer insists you don't know what you are talking about, you agree and transfer them to a canadian mcdonald's worker. seriously.
if you call for help, and hear a canadian accent, hang up - fast.
i had to transfer a guy once who couldn't install his network card (of course, the man was a network engineer, as he often told me) so i sent him up to canada. when i told the canadian the guys account info and the problem, he promptly asked me 'so, what does the network card actually do?'
the tech support, not the customer.
so, instead of transferring him, i conference called and we all had a good laugh.</B></font><HR></BLOCKQUOTE>
OMFG!!! Stop it Daz!!!! I'm dying on the floor laughing!
You have to be making this shit up!!!
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