Monoliths #4d: Interlude

[Gurns]

Normally, when writing a story, I put it in a setting, be it a desert, inn, or what have you. And I'll put in some actions -- fighting, drinking, and so on. All of this adds flavor to a tale. But this... Let's just say that it has such a strong, um, flavor of its own, I wouldn't dare attempt to change it.

You tell Artikerus “Could you repeat that?”

Artikerus tells you “I found a damnable monolith but I’ll be damned if I found that skinny rat bastard son of a one headed ettin’s runny droppings elf Nilan to tell me what in the nine hells I’m fer usin’ it fer.”

You tell Artikerus “Yes, that’s what I thought you said. It still doesn’t make sense.”

Artikerus tells you “Feh! Worthless half-breed horn tooter!”

You tell Artikerus “At least one too many ‘fers’”

Artikerus tells you “Open yer flamin’ pointy ears!”

You tell Artikerus “So you found a monolith. The one in the desert?”

Artikerus tells you “Feh! Nothin’ but a lousy stone some flamin’ nomadders poked n’ prodded on!”

You tell Artikerus “Hmm, maybe we’re not talking about the same monolith. I have heard that there are some out there that have no runes, no visions.”

Artikerus tells you “Feh, not on the bloody stone. All around the bloody thing, tracks n’ tracks of all sorts of beasties, mans and monsters I’m reckonin’.”

You tell Artikerus “Where was this?”

You tell Artikerus “Hmm. Either it’s broken. Or it doesn’t like you.”

Artikerus tells you “Feh. Wouldn’t be the first rock that was mur stubburn then meh!”

You tell Artikerus “Interesting. Rejected by a rock.”

Artikerus tells you “Bah!”

You tell Artikerus “I didn’t know rocks had good taste.”

Artikerus tells you “I’m going to be heading into Baulder’s Gate soon enuff ya flamin’ nancin’ wood faerie fluter toter, an’ I do be expectin’ to gettin’ some answers from yerself and that wanna be pixie poker Nilan.”

You tell Artikerus “You sweet talker, you. I may be delayed. Something about another gig. I sure you unders...well, actually, I’m sure you don’t understand.”

Artikerus tells you “You looky here you bongo playin’ layabout! I’m expectin’ you in BG. Don’t be makin’ me pay Lord Pierogie anuther visit in Waterhell and find ye my cot damned self.”

You tell Artikerus “Fluter toter. Actually, I kind of like that. Perhaps I should take it as a title. Gurns -- Fluter Toter”

You tell Artikerus “You? In Waterdeep? My, security really has gotten lax!”

Artikerus tells you “Fer one who be travelin’ the lands yer not very quick to recognize the one duergar known the realms over fer “is barterin’ and slayin’ skills”

Artikerus tells you “Ye don’t be gettin to be the king o’ Gloomhaven three times fer bein a slackass son of a derro!”

You tell Artikerus “Is _that_ what yer, I mean, you’re known for? I heard it was for wenching, getting drunk, and ranting and raving.”

Artikerus tells you “Well a king’s got to be havin’ ‘is hobbies.”

You tell Artikerus “Ah, but they say that;s all you have.”

You tell Artikerus “Of course, that could be vile stories spread by your, um, successor.”

Artikerus tells you “Feh. Gloomhaven’s led by a traiterous derro lickin half-breed I’ma gut from one end to the other an make my own person derro stockin’ stuffer out of. ‘til then I’m back to findin’ me loyal subjects of a new clan and retakin’ me claim as the best damned trader of the Underdark in the cot damned realms.”

You tell Artikerus “Oh, is that how it works. They kick you out, and you go find some other bunch of suckers to rule over?”

Artikerus tells you “Feh”

Artikerus tells you “I ruled o’er Mithril Hall when the great Shimmeringgloom aided the Duergar to route those surface scum out”

You tell Artikerus “Actually, I wish you luck. It’s always more, um, rewarding to know kings, rather than common bums.”

Artikerus tells you “Feh. Aye, an’ maybe I’ll make ye my pet gleeman in my next stronghold.”

You tell Artikerus “Steady work? Someone’s offering me steady work?”

Artikerus tells you “Hahaha! Jest all ye be wantin’ to elfie. Yer life’s a fragile thing in me eyes.”

You tell Artikerus “Hmm, that doesn’t sound....Well, I’m not quite sure what you’re saying, but it doesn’t sound like a promising career!”

Artikerus tells you “Feh!”

Artikerus tells you “You just be makin’ sure you an’ that damned drow is in Baulder’s Gate, and be makin’ it soon.”

You tell Artikerus “Well, I’m sure I’ll get there sometime, but as for Nilan.... I hardly control his movements. Or even know where he is, most of the time. He finds me.”

Artikerus tells you “Feh. Well make sure the pointy eared rat finds you in Baulder’s Gate.”

Artikerus tells you “cuz I’m not fer bein’ much happy if’n I’m havin’ to find ya elsewhere.”

You tell Artikerus “Well, you can almost always find me in Waterdeep, and if it’s so easy for you to get in to...”

You tell Artikerus “Of course I’m not there now, so if yer sneakin’ in.... So sorry”

Artikerus tells you “Feh, I’m not fer always stickin’ me neck into that warren of weaklings. But don’t be lettin’ me catch ye outside o dem gates if’n if ye ain’t in Baulder’s Gate. Me hammer do be packin’ onehelluva punchin’ and yer skinny head won’t be holdin’ up well.”

You tell Artikerus “My head is skinny, not pointy. I ain’t no nail for you to be hammerin’.”

Artikerus tells you “Then don’t let me catch you dawdlin’ anywhur but whur I’m tellin’ you to meet me.”

Artikerus tells you “Those damnable paladins of Tyr n’ Torm n’ whoeverndahell they got crusadin’ fer the cot damned goodly folk don’t be trying to fight me fer me niceness ye know.”

You tell Artikerus “Oh, but surely a famous king and fighter like yourself is more than a match for a paladin or two.”

Artikerus tells you “You be askin’ that dark skinned gnoll cousin’s faerie who saved his
ass from the last paladin he met.”

You tell Artikerus “The last one I know about, he took out on his own. No mention of you.”

Artikerus tells you “Well, you ask ‘em whur I got this nice paladin skin belt and whur he got some of his new arrow scars. I’m thinkin’ ye could prolly find the crusadin’ fools skull somewhere in Skelderak Lake”

You tell Artikerus “Nibbled on by the sea monsters? So Nilan lured the paladin to the lake, and you pushed him in? With all that armor on, he sunk? A brave story.”

Artikerus tells you “Feh, ye over thinkin’ goblins cousin of a nancin’ wood pixie”

Artikerus tells you “Then I’d have told you his whole skellie’d be in there. I saved the no good rat from death and knocked the fokkers head into the lake with me hammer.”

You tell Artikerus “I just figured you dragged ‘im out after he was dead, so you could loot him. A deposed king doesn’t get any tax revenue, after all.”

Artikerus tells you “You just ask that damnable rat what happened. I’ll be seein ye don’t ye be doubtin’.”

[Clan Blindhammer]

Bah. An' the dark-skinned rat did verify my story din't he you cymbal sniff'in horn honker. So tell'em the real bloody story about when I did be findin' the monolith an' what ye learned in me tent. An' make sure ye be wipin' yer feet the next time yer inbred goblin-pixie tail be comin' through me tent!

Feh!