I was helping the rangers guard the area west of the fountain. I was wearing the amulet. No, Lintral and Teej weren't around, I had decided it was safe enough, now that Trobriand was out of the amulet.
The spirits were still showing up. I said "I've lost Tahlshara, my soul is in debt... Make haste to the Lady, that we may recover her blade and continue the battle! Time grows short!" I took a few light steps west, before I caught myself. If that stupid elf does that when I'm on the edge of a cliff, I'm going to be seriously annoyed.
Thanuk raised an eyebrow at me. "Your soul in debt?" he asked.
I guess he hadn't seen me recently. "This amulet has attracted a few spirits," I said. "That one would be the elf."
Thanuk looked at me, and rubbed his chin.
I said, "There's also a barbarian."
Thanuk said, "A barbarian? Doing what?"
"Let's see. He's mad because he failed. He's looking for his sword. And he wants whiskey."
I added, "And there's Arex, the general."
Thanuk poked me, hard. Ouch. Stupid barbarians. "Arex!" he said. "Arex is dead, Gurns."
"I said these were spirits. So they have to be dead."
Just then the barbarian spirit showed up.
I snarled, "I failed! I failed and DIED! No! Where's that damned sword? I need my sword! He'll fall this time, by the Panther! Why am I stuck in this puny body? And where's my WHISKEY?"
I scratched my ass. Belched. Just like always. But then…
I growled, "Thanuk! You sodding bastard! I'm gonna GUT you!"
That was new. I raised an eyebrow at Thanuk. "The barbarian knows you?"
Thanuk nodded. "Everybody knows me."
I said, "Why would a dead barbarian know you?"
Thanuk puffed up his chest. "I'm a legend, Gurns. Some bard you are."
I shrugged. "Well, I've heard of you, but then, you try to get me killed every once in a while." That wasn't my point. "The elf, and Arex, they're long dead. Thousands of years. I figured the barbarian was the same." But if he knew Thanuk, that didn't seem likely.
"Ask the barbarian his name," said Thanuk.
Like that would do any good. "They never listen to me. Just wander through." But it was still odd, because, "I've never seen them recognize anyone before."
Thanuk said, "He talks a lot, doesn't he?" Then he whapped me on the head. "Stupid old bastard! Wake up!"
Hey! I said, "Me? I'm not that old!" Nor stupid. Barbarians!
Thanuk poked me again. I was going to have bruise tomorrow. He asked, "Me who? Tell him your name!"
He knew my name. Oh, maybe he thought one of the spirits had possessed me. "Gurns, at the moment," I said.
"Oh," said Thanuk.
Just to make sure that was clear - even though I'd already mentioned it - I said, "Like I said, they wander through. They don't stay."
Then I snarled, "I failed! I failed and DIED! No! Where's that damned sword? I need my sword! He'll fall this time, by the Panther! Why am I stuck in this puny body? And where's my WHISKEY?"
Scratch the ass, belch, yes, yes. But then… I growled, "Thanuk! You sodding bastard! You kicked me out, I'm gonna GUT you!"
I tried to draw a sword. Of course, I don't carry one. I growled, "WHERE'S MY DAMN SWORD?"
Thanuk laughed uproariously. I hadn't seen him laugh so hard since I'd shouted "BEAR!" Never mind.
I said, "You didn't steal someone's sword, did you, Thanuk?"
Thanuk was still laughing. He managed to say, "I had to."
"You had to what?" I asked.
Thanuk said, "Kick him out!"
"Kick who out?"
"The barbarian."
"Oh? You know him?" said I.
"Oh, I know him," said Thanuk.
"Who is he?"
"Thanuk Pantherclaw."
No, Thanuk, I asked who he was. "Um. He's you?"
"Yes, but no."
"How can I have your spirit? And how can I get rid of it, I feel...diseased."
Thanuk was trying to explain. "He's him, I'm me. We're Thanuk Pantherclaw."
Well, since Thanuk was crazy, but not like that, it had to be some other Thanuk Pantherclaw.
Thanuk shrugged. "Ancestor of mine. My namesake. Took me damn near 40 years to get rid of him. He never shuts up."
I moaned, "Forty years!" Well, I knew what I could do. "Fortunately, I just take off the amulet, and they shut up."
I took off the amulet.
Thanuk asked, "You can't talk to him at all? He used to talk to me."
Oh? I shrugged. "Maybe it's because there are three of them in there." At least the general had started talking to me, recently.
Then Thanuk said, "He died in the battle, with Arex and the others."
Well, that explained it. "No wonder he wants his sword!" Like Arex, the old Thanuk, er, the older Thanuk had failed to kill the Vile One, and wanted to finish the job.
Thanuk was reminiscing. "Once he was gone, it was silent. Finally silent. So peaceful."
Then he slapped me. Ouch! "What?" I said.
Thanuk said, "He's in there."
Grrr. I explained again. "He's in the amulet. He's only in me, when I wear the amulet."
Thanuk grinned. "Shake it around a little, would ya?" He nudged me. "Bang it on the wall."
I giggled. But if this guy had been his ancestor… I asked, "Any idea where his sword might be?"
Thanuk shook his head. "But he died in the battle. So one would imagine his sword would've been there."
I frowned. "Well, it was 10,000 years ago. Things rust." They also move around, evidently even the earth can shift dramatically, what an odd notion. But... "I don't know that anyone's looked there, though."
Thanuk said, "So let's go."
We went off to Mt. Skelenak. Near the base, I looked around and shrugged. "No one knows exactly where it was. Even the land has changed since then. But it was around here."
Thanuk stared at me.
I said, "What?"
He said, "Wasn't it up on top of the mountain? Shouldn't you know this stuff? Some bard!"
Nukkie, Nukkie, Nukkie. I said, "The Vile One was near the top of the mountain. I don't think the heroes got that far. A lot of them died to elementals, on the way up. Besides, the top of the mountain blew off." If any heroes had been up there, we weren't going to find their weapons.
Thanuk said, "Put the amulet on." I did.
He slapped me, and said "Hey!"
"It had to land somewhere," said Thanuk.
Bah. Nukkie, think! "Blown into teeny pieces? It landed everywhere!"
I knew Thanuk wanted to talk to Thanuk, but… I said, "I think he's ignoring you."
Thanuk muttered, "Ironic." Then, "Drink this."
He handed me a bottle of Hamid's finest. Ah! I took a drink. "Excellent!"
I knew what he was trying to do. I didn't know if it would work. "It might need to be whiskey," I said. I took another drink.
Thanuk looked sad. "I don't have any whiskey."
Oh, feh. "That's right, I owe you a lot of whiskey, too." A bet that I had yet to pay off. I took another drink.
Thanuk said, "Let's go get you drunk." He looked at me more closely. "Oh, too late."
Silly barbarian. I said, "A bard doeshn't get drunk."
Thanuk got out an enormous ale stein, and took a sip. He looked aghast. "WATER?!"
He slapped me. "You son of a bitch! You put water in my stein!" He slapped me again.
I giggled, and said "Later, when I can feel this, I bet it'll hurt."
Thanuk growled, "Come out, you miserable bastard!" He grabbed me by the shoulders, and shook me.
I giggled again. I bounced up and down. "Yoo hoo! Come out!" I looked at the amulet, resting on my chest. "Hey!"
Thanuk chuckled. He said, "You have to yell at him. He's a bit deaf."
I shouted "HEY!" Waited. Then shrugged. "He'sh not speaking."
Thanuk said, "Must be ashamed of himself. This is, after all, where he died. The pathetic fool. Didn't even make it past the first wave I bet."
I sniffed, so sad. "Alas, poor pathetic heroic fool."
Thanuk growled, "Heroic? He has no honor. He died like a coward to the first thing with a sword that came near him. Failing to save the world."
I nodded. "He's mad about that."
Thanuk leaned forward and screamed at the amulet. "YOU USELESS REINDEER DROPPING! YOU DIED LIKE A COWARD! YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO YOUR GOD AND YOUR CLAN!"
I sighed and shrugged.
"Hrm.," said Thanuk. "This isn't working."
I said, "Yeah. You shut him up completely."
"Let's go get some whiskey," said Thanuk.
Well, actually, I had a little whiskey. I pulled another bottle out of my sack, and took a drink. Whiskey after wine? I might be sick tomorrow, but it was for a good cause! "Ah whishkey!"
I said, "Now I bet he'sh happy. If only there was a woman around, he'd think he'd died and gone to paradise." Oh, he was already dead. I giggled.
Thanuk muttered, "He's probably proud of the fact that he disgraced my name."
Huh? "He disgraced your name? He had it firsht."
Thanuk shook his head, sadly, ignoring me. "He ruined it for the rest of us."
Wait a minute! "There are more Thanuks out there?" I have to admit, I felt panicky!
Thanuk scowled, "There were, I'm sure, over the years. The noble clans of old used to pass their names down through the generations." He scowled more fiercely. "Not like the fool clans of today, naming their children after the sound they make during conception."
He grunted, "Kralgar! That's what I said too, when I finished with his mother."
OK, that was far more than I wanted to know. Except… "How, um, articulate. I understand that most groan. Or grunt. Or say 'Yeeeeeaaaaaah!' Or scream. You say 'Kralgar!' Intereshting." In a strange, perverted sort of way.
Thanuk smirked.
I pulled another bottle of whiskey out of my sack, and took a swig.
Thanuk sayid, "Let me get a taste of that." So I gave him the bottle, he took a swig, and handed the bottle back.
"Hrm," he said. "Let's go get drunk. That should help."
"It'sh a plan," I said. "Where?" I looked around. "I'm drunk already, maybe here will do." I took a small sip, and passed him the bottle again.
Thanuk shook his head. He took a drink. "He doesn't seem to like it here. Because he's a useless failure and this is the spot he proved it. Won't even defend his own honor." He took another drink.
He poked me again.
"Nope, nope, still nothing," I said.
Thanuk bent forward and screamed at the amulet again. "WHERES YOUR SWORD, YOU COWARD?"
I wondered, "Why don't you have it, if you have his name?" And poked him in the ribs, ha!
Thanuk grumbled, "I don't even know what his sword was."
He thought a bit, took an absent-minded swig, and handed me the bottle. I put it back in my sack.
Thanuk said, "Let's head toward the mountain. See if it wakes him up."
Well, it didn't. We wandered around the mountains for a while, but still nothing.
We did come across an ancient woman at one point. I suppose it wasn't polite, but I nudged Thanuk and whispered, "Look! One of his former ladies!"
Thanuk sneered, "I heard he didn't like women."
Heh. I said, "No, he likes women well enough. He keeps making passes at Teej."
Thanuk shrugged. "So, let's go where there's women. Maybe that will bring him out."
Why not? I said, "Lead on!"
Thanuk ran us down to Hill's Edge, out on Dusk Road. To the Six Soft Furs. Ah… I hadn't been there in quite some time. I looked around. The place looked the same, but I didn't recognize the stripper, the escorts, the waitress. Had it been that long?
Thanuk smiled. Until he tried to buy something. The waitress told him, "No credit here."
I snickered. He muttered something, then led us outside. We found a few people who didn't need their money anymore - not after we were done with them, anyway - and returned.
Thanuk bought some zzar. I asked, "Zzar your favorite?"
"Nah," said Thanuk. "But you can't beat the atmosphere." I looked around, and had to agree with that.
Thanuk poked me again. "You like that, old man?" he asked.
I sighed. "He's still hiding, or something."
Thanuk sighed, too. "Is Arex awake?" he asked.
I told him. "Arex says things every once in a while, but that's it. Hmm, we did find out he couldn't hear us, so we're working on communicating in other ways."
"What kind of ways?"
I said, "Writing things down and looking at them. That worked once or twice."
Thanuk asked, "You have a pen and paper?"
Of course I did.
Thanuk said, "Then ask Arex where Thanuk died. And ask him what his sword was."
I carefully wrote down the message. "All right," I said. "I wrote it down. I looked at it. Arex isn't talking, either."
Thanuk growled, "The bastards." But his heart wasn't really in it.
"I think they just don't like you," I told him.
He nodded. "He never did."
We headed back to Waterdeep. I was right, I did have a bruise the next day. Barbarians!
Monoliths #5s: An Encounter with Thanuks
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- Sojourner
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Demuladon wrote:rofl a great piece - good stuff Gurns.
Thanks! But more than half the credit goes to Thanuk.
The way I write these "campaign histories", if it's in quotes, then someone actually said it. Oh, I cut a lot of stuff, and clean up the spelling and punctuation. In most of them, I'll have re-written a couple of phrases or sentences for clarity. But in terms of completely making something up, I think I've made up less than half a dozen statements in the 35 or so "histories", to date.
If it's an action, they probably did it, too. I always add actions to the "histories", but that's mostly in terms of facial expressions and other things to indicate mood.
So all the creative invective you see is Nukkie's. :) And all that slapping, the bastard. :P
Out of nowhere – well, out of the amulet, and the back of my mind – Arex's deep voice reverberated. "Ic na munan hwaer he feoll, wit scufan to se fynd. His sweord haefde his nama, se panther grap. Mihtig and swift, elusive and aettryne in beadu, twas a mihtig blade."
Arrgh! He had been speaking almost modern common just yesterday! But this! What had I done to him? Probably mad at me for not running around starting those ceremonies, Which We Couldn't Do! I'd have to let him know that. Soon!
All right, it could have been worse. A mixture of modern, Middle, and Olde Common. With a little work, I could translate it. After all, it might be important. And it probably was important to know whether it was important or not.
A little reference work, and I found out that Arex had said, "I don't know where he fell, shoved by the enemy. His sword bore his name, a panther hilt. Mighty and swift, elusive and deadly in battle, twas a mighty blade."
So he had seen my note, asking about the older Thanuk. Maybe they'd pushed his corpse around after the battle. Or maybe Thanuk had made it up the mountain, and gotten pushed off. And his sword was named "Pantherclaw." At least, one would assume so, since I doubted even a barbarian would name their sword "Thanuk."
I sighed. The current Thanuk might find this interesting, but I didn't see how it helped us at all!
Well, at least we'd confirmed there was a way to communicate with Arex. Though my next note was going to start with "Please speak in modern common!"
Arrgh! He had been speaking almost modern common just yesterday! But this! What had I done to him? Probably mad at me for not running around starting those ceremonies, Which We Couldn't Do! I'd have to let him know that. Soon!
All right, it could have been worse. A mixture of modern, Middle, and Olde Common. With a little work, I could translate it. After all, it might be important. And it probably was important to know whether it was important or not.
A little reference work, and I found out that Arex had said, "I don't know where he fell, shoved by the enemy. His sword bore his name, a panther hilt. Mighty and swift, elusive and deadly in battle, twas a mighty blade."
So he had seen my note, asking about the older Thanuk. Maybe they'd pushed his corpse around after the battle. Or maybe Thanuk had made it up the mountain, and gotten pushed off. And his sword was named "Pantherclaw." At least, one would assume so, since I doubted even a barbarian would name their sword "Thanuk."
I sighed. The current Thanuk might find this interesting, but I didn't see how it helped us at all!
Well, at least we'd confirmed there was a way to communicate with Arex. Though my next note was going to start with "Please speak in modern common!"
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