Whatever happened to the longest thread thread?
The Argument Sketch
From "Monty Python's Previous Record" and "Monty Python's Instant Record Collection"
Originally transcribed by Dan Kay (dan@reed.uucp)
Fixed up and Added "Complaint" and "Being Hit On The Head lessons" Aug/ 87
by Tak Ariga (tak@gpu.utcs.toronto.edu)
The Cast (in order of appearance.)
M= Man looking for an argument
R= Receptionist
Q= Abuser
A= Arguer (John Cleese)
C= Complainer (Eric Idle)
H= Head Hitter
M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: Well, what is the cost?
R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
Pause
R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: Thank you.
(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)
Q: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: Well, I was told outside that...
Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!
(Walk down the corridor)
M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn't.
M: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
A: Yes it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: No it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.
Pause
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
M: I DID!
A: No you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
M: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I've had enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
M: Oh Shut up.
(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)
M: I want to complain.
C: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
M: No, I want to complain about...
C: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
M: Oh!
C: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.
(Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)
M: Hello, I want to... Ooooh!
H: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
M: uuuwwhh!!
H: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
M: No.
H: Now..
M: Waaaaah!!!
H: Good, Good! That's it.
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: What?
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: Stop hitting you?
M: Yes!
H: Why did you come in here then?
M: I wanted to complain.
H: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
M: What a stupid concept.
From "Monty Python's Previous Record" and "Monty Python's Instant Record Collection"
Originally transcribed by Dan Kay (dan@reed.uucp)
Fixed up and Added "Complaint" and "Being Hit On The Head lessons" Aug/ 87
by Tak Ariga (tak@gpu.utcs.toronto.edu)
The Cast (in order of appearance.)
M= Man looking for an argument
R= Receptionist
Q= Abuser
A= Arguer (John Cleese)
C= Complainer (Eric Idle)
H= Head Hitter
M: Ah. I'd like to have an argument, please.
R: Certainly sir. Have you been here before?
M: No, I haven't, this is my first time.
R: I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument, or were you thinking of taking a course?
M: Well, what is the cost?
R: Well, It's one pound for a five minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.
M: Well, I think it would be best if I perhaps started off with just the one and then see how it goes.
R: Fine. Well, I'll see who's free at the moment.
Pause
R: Mr. DeBakey's free, but he's a little bit conciliatory.
Ahh yes, Try Mr. Barnard; room 12.
M: Thank you.
(Walks down the hall. Opens door.)
Q: WHAT DO YOU WANT?
M: Well, I was told outside that...
Q: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
M: What?
Q: Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, coffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert!!!
M: Look, I CAME HERE FOR AN ARGUMENT, I'm not going to just stand...!!
Q: OH, oh I'm sorry, but this is abuse.
M: Oh, I see, well, that explains it.
Q: Ah yes, you want room 12A, Just along the corridor.
M: Oh, Thank you very much. Sorry.
Q: Not at all.
M: Thank You.
(Under his breath) Stupid git!!
(Walk down the corridor)
M: (Knock)
A: Come in.
M: Ah, Is this the right room for an argument?
A: I told you once.
M: No you haven't.
A: Yes I have.
M: When?
A: Just now.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't
A: I did!
M: You didn't!
A: I'm telling you I did!
M: You did not!!
A: Oh, I'm sorry, just one moment. Is this a five minute argument or the full half hour?
M: Oh, just the five minutes.
A: Ah, thank you. Anyway, I did.
M: You most certainly did not.
A: Look, let's get this thing clear; I quite definitely told you.
M: No you did not.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: No you didn't.
A: Yes I did.
M: You didn't.
A: Did.
M: Oh look, this isn't an argument.
A: Yes it is.
M: No it isn't. It's just contradiction.
A: No it isn't.
M: It is!
A: It is not.
M: Look, you just contradicted me.
A: I did not.
M: Oh you did!!
A: No, no, no.
M: You did just then.
A: Nonsense!
M: Oh, this is futile!
A: No it isn't.
M: I came here for a good argument.
A: No you didn't; no, you came here for an argument.
M: An argument isn't just contradiction.
A: It can be.
M: No it can't. An argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.
A: No it isn't.
M: Yes it is! It's not just contradiction.
A: Look, if I argue with you, I must take up a contrary position.
M: Yes, but that's not just saying 'No it isn't.'
A: Yes it is!
M: No it isn't!
A: Yes it is!
M: Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just the automatic gainsaying of any statement the other person makes.
(short pause)
A: No it isn't.
M: It is.
A: Not at all.
M: Now look.
A: (Rings bell) Good Morning.
M: What?
A: That's it. Good morning.
M: I was just getting interested.
A: Sorry, the five minutes is up.
M: That was never five minutes!
A: I'm afraid it was.
M: It wasn't.
Pause
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue anymore.
M: What?!
A: If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.
M: Yes, but that was never five minutes, just now. Oh come on!
A: (Hums)
M: Look, this is ridiculous.
A: I'm sorry, but I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid!
M: Oh, all right.
(pays money)
A: Thank you.
short pause
M: Well?
A: Well what?
M: That wasn't really five minutes, just now.
A: I told you, I'm not allowed to argue unless you've paid.
M: I just paid!
A: No you didn't.
M: I DID!
A: No you didn't.
M: Look, I don't want to argue about that.
A: Well, you didn't pay.
M: Aha. If I didn't pay, why are you arguing? I Got you!
A: No you haven't.
M: Yes I have. If you're arguing, I must have paid.
A: Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.
M: Oh I've had enough of this.
A: No you haven't.
M: Oh Shut up.
(Walks down the stairs. Opens door.)
M: I want to complain.
C: You want to complain! Look at these shoes. I've only had them three weeks and the heels are worn right through.
M: No, I want to complain about...
C: If you complain nothing happens, you might as well not bother.
M: Oh!
C: Oh my back hurts, it's not a very fine day and I'm sick and tired of this office.
(Slams door. walks down corridor, opens next door.)
M: Hello, I want to... Ooooh!
H: No, no, no. Hold your head like this, then go Waaah. Try it again.
M: uuuwwhh!!
H: Better, Better, but Waah, Waah! Put your hand there.
M: No.
H: Now..
M: Waaaaah!!!
H: Good, Good! That's it.
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: What?
M: Stop hitting me!!
H: Stop hitting you?
M: Yes!
H: Why did you come in here then?
M: I wanted to complain.
H: Oh no, that's next door. It's being-hit-on-the-head lessons in here.
M: What a stupid concept.
Party people
Yeah Tag Team music comin' straight atacha
That's me DC the Brain Supreme
And my man Steve Roll'n
We're kicking the flow we're kickin'
And it goes a little somethin' like this
Tag Team back again check it top
Wreck it - let's begin
Party people let me hear some noise
DC's in the house jump jump and rejoice
There's a party over here
a party over there
Wave your hands in the air
Shake the deriere
These three words mean you're gettin' busy
Whoomp there it is
whoomp there it is
Shevarash -- Code Forger of TorilMUD
Walk with me my little child,
To the forest of denial,
Speak with me my only mind,
Walk with me until the time,
And make the forest turn to wine,
You take the legend for a fall,
You saw the product,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.
Walk with me my little friend,
Take this promise to the end,
Speak with me my only mind,
Walk with me until the end,
And make the forest turn to sand,
You take the legend for a fall,
You saw the product,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.
Take this promise for a ride,
You saw the forest, now come inside,
You took the legend for its fall,
You saw the product of it all,
No televisions in the air,
No circumcisions on the chair,
You made the weapons for us all,
Just look at us now,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.
To the forest of denial,
Speak with me my only mind,
Walk with me until the time,
And make the forest turn to wine,
You take the legend for a fall,
You saw the product,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.
Walk with me my little friend,
Take this promise to the end,
Speak with me my only mind,
Walk with me until the end,
And make the forest turn to sand,
You take the legend for a fall,
You saw the product,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.
Take this promise for a ride,
You saw the forest, now come inside,
You took the legend for its fall,
You saw the product of it all,
No televisions in the air,
No circumcisions on the chair,
You made the weapons for us all,
Just look at us now,
Why can't you see that you are my child,
Why don't you know that you are my mind,
Tell everyone in the world, that I'm you,
Take this promise to the end of you.
Holding this in mind
That if we fall, we all fall
And we fall alone
That if we fall, we all fall
And we fall alone
Double post on longest thread!
Last edited by Branthur on Fri Jan 13, 2006 10:44 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Brumby, the Troll Philosopher
People keep comin' on up and sayin' to me "Brumby, you are the Troll Adventurer Philosopher, are you not?". And Brumby reply, "Yup." And dey say "How does one become such a philosophical troll such as you are?". And I say "If da sun shines through an outhouse roof you should probably go and fix da roof." And they look all thoughtful and go away. I have no idea what it mean when I say dat, I just know it makes dem go away.
And dat da big problem with da world. People just don't wanna go away and leave you alone. I do not pretend to be all high and mighty and say I do not do these things as well. I just think it funny. Most of people getting pissed is resulting from dem just not going away. Nobody fight if one fighter just go away. Nobody have war if everybody just go away and leave enemy alone. Nobody have to wait in line and get all antsy if they go away and find different eating place. But it is not good if I go away and do not kill stuff because den I have no money to go to eatery to get all antsy in line at. A troll gotta eat.
Speaking of eat, everything is so simple all by itself I wonder why everything so darn chaosy. I figure we living things gotta do two things: eat and go to outhouse. If everybody just eat and go to outhouse, everybody be happy. People throw sex in der all da time. Brumby just think dey all horny. Brumby tell them dat. Dey go away.
(credit to Blackjack)
People keep comin' on up and sayin' to me "Brumby, you are the Troll Adventurer Philosopher, are you not?". And Brumby reply, "Yup." And dey say "How does one become such a philosophical troll such as you are?". And I say "If da sun shines through an outhouse roof you should probably go and fix da roof." And they look all thoughtful and go away. I have no idea what it mean when I say dat, I just know it makes dem go away.
And dat da big problem with da world. People just don't wanna go away and leave you alone. I do not pretend to be all high and mighty and say I do not do these things as well. I just think it funny. Most of people getting pissed is resulting from dem just not going away. Nobody fight if one fighter just go away. Nobody have war if everybody just go away and leave enemy alone. Nobody have to wait in line and get all antsy if they go away and find different eating place. But it is not good if I go away and do not kill stuff because den I have no money to go to eatery to get all antsy in line at. A troll gotta eat.
Speaking of eat, everything is so simple all by itself I wonder why everything so darn chaosy. I figure we living things gotta do two things: eat and go to outhouse. If everybody just eat and go to outhouse, everybody be happy. People throw sex in der all da time. Brumby just think dey all horny. Brumby tell them dat. Dey go away.
(credit to Blackjack)
Heres a blast from the past. I completely forgot Yaya did these funny little bits of mud gold. Thanks to Turgil (another blast from some people's past I am sure)
http://umbra.excidium.net/3west/
Happy monkey bite wax kazoo!
http://umbra.excidium.net/3west/
Happy monkey bite wax kazoo!
Kallinar goes MOO
Confucious say: He who walk around with hand in pocket feel kockie all day.
Confucious say: He who walk around with hand in pocket feel kockie all day.
a new three west website has been created. although yaya has been slow with content, there is one flash comic up.
http://www.threewest.com
http://www.threewest.com
Cofen group-says 'wtf, why am i missing a cursed khanjari?'
Alendar group-says 'i r rednek i can only afford the monitor i have mud on and the broken monitor under it'
Nonox tells you 'i think someone casted 'power word gay' on pril'
Malacar ASSOC:: 'must... mp...soon...underwear...cringing...at...oncoming...onslaught...'
Alendar group-says 'i r rednek i can only afford the monitor i have mud on and the broken monitor under it'
Nonox tells you 'i think someone casted 'power word gay' on pril'
Malacar ASSOC:: 'must... mp...soon...underwear...cringing...at...oncoming...onslaught...'
Ruxur wrote:a new three west website has been created. although yaya has been slow with content, there is one flash comic up.
http://www.threewest.com
Wow thanks! For some reason the archive link isn't working tho...
Kallinar goes MOO
Confucious say: He who walk around with hand in pocket feel kockie all day.
Confucious say: He who walk around with hand in pocket feel kockie all day.
it dosent work because there are no archives up
Cofen group-says 'wtf, why am i missing a cursed khanjari?'
Alendar group-says 'i r rednek i can only afford the monitor i have mud on and the broken monitor under it'
Nonox tells you 'i think someone casted 'power word gay' on pril'
Malacar ASSOC:: 'must... mp...soon...underwear...cringing...at...oncoming...onslaught...'
Alendar group-says 'i r rednek i can only afford the monitor i have mud on and the broken monitor under it'
Nonox tells you 'i think someone casted 'power word gay' on pril'
Malacar ASSOC:: 'must... mp...soon...underwear...cringing...at...oncoming...onslaught...'
-
- Sojourner
- Posts: 1499
- Joined: Sat Jul 27, 2002 5:01 am
- Location: Virginia Beach
- Contact:
From http://www.cybersamurai.net/Mythology/n ... ngagap.htm
Gunnungagap ("Yawning Gap") was the primal abyss. The first place created out of the Gunnungagap was Niflheim, placed at the northern end of Gunnungagap and Muspellheim at the southern end.
In Niflheim there was located the eldest of the three wells, called Hvergelmir, which was protected by the dragon Nidhogg. Hvergelmir was the origin of all being and the place where every being will go back.
Elivagar were the twelve streams, flowting out the Hvergelmir. The Elivagar filled the emptyness of Gunnungagap and were frozen in the regions of Niflheim.
Like the primal cow Audhumla, the giant Ymir (or Aurgelmir) was created when the hot fire of Muspellheim spray to the Elivagar's glacier. The cow Audhumla licked the salty ice-blocks, till Buri came forth from the blocks.
Gunnungagap ("Yawning Gap") was the primal abyss. The first place created out of the Gunnungagap was Niflheim, placed at the northern end of Gunnungagap and Muspellheim at the southern end.
In Niflheim there was located the eldest of the three wells, called Hvergelmir, which was protected by the dragon Nidhogg. Hvergelmir was the origin of all being and the place where every being will go back.
Elivagar were the twelve streams, flowting out the Hvergelmir. The Elivagar filled the emptyness of Gunnungagap and were frozen in the regions of Niflheim.
Like the primal cow Audhumla, the giant Ymir (or Aurgelmir) was created when the hot fire of Muspellheim spray to the Elivagar's glacier. The cow Audhumla licked the salty ice-blocks, till Buri came forth from the blocks.
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