Not an idiot trap, just funny

[Kifle]

So I had this e-mail forwarded to me, and I thought it was pretty funny.



Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from you and understand why you would propose and support a constitutional amendment banning same sex marriage. As you said "in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man and a woman." I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination... End of debate.

I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of
God's Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female,
provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine
claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify?
Why can't I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus
21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her
period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I
tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a
pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They
claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2.
clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill
him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality.
I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a
defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my
vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair
around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by
Lev.19:27.
How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me
unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different
crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two
different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to
curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble
of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't
we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with
people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy
considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help.

Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and
unchanging.

[selerial]

I've seen this exact same thing somewhere before, but instead of Dear President Bush, it was like.. some sort of relatively militantly right wing female talk show host, I think...

Oh, and it was also probably about three years ago. ;+)

[Ashiwi]

It might be old, but it's still so pertinent.

I've never been able to argue religion with a clear head, because I'm always so boggled by how much faith people put into the Bible and everything it says, when they don't even seem to have read the whole thing. I can start out having a decent coversation, merge into a fairly stimulating debate, but then, as soon as they start spouting that "It's the word of God and God would not allow His message to be tainted" crap, I just have to walk away. If people can't read the Bible for themselves and really see what it says, then there's no arguing with them on any point pertaining to it.

The last "debate" I had with some minister on my doorstep went something like this:

Me: What I want to know is how you know for a fact which version of the Bible is the true word of God. There are so many, and many of them say vastly different things.

Minister: The Bible is the word of God. Do you really believe He would allow His message to be warped?

Me: ::raised eyebrow, moue of disgust:: Apparently King James seemed to think so. Can you tell me which books of the Bible were considered so "unimportant" in those revisions as to be left out of the new version? Or which parts of the Bible you read today were not an official aspect of "God's word" before those revisions? Did God make a mistake the first time, and do you think he really needed King James and his council to repair the damage? Do you think God issues His revisions with formal press releases, or are they simple memorandums shot straight to the Papal desk?

At about that point his smile faltered, I let him know that when he could answer those questions we could continue our discussion, and I excused myself to make dinner. Oddly enough, he never knocked on my door again. You shouldn't sign a contract before you read it, and you shouldn't preach a Gospel you don't know.

I've been accused of being a cultist before by a door-to-door minister because I asked him what kind of nerve he had to drive his beamer into a low-income neighborhood preaching the word of God and inviting people to a church fitted with big screens and state-of-the-art sound systems. I think I called him a camel. He said the most un-Christianly things as he was leaving.

You can lead a camel to water... but they get mighty peeved when you try to make them think.

[Thilindel]

It's hard to understand anything those fanatic freaks do - to sit there and kill for the dumbest reasons...

[ssar]

LOL!
I haven't seen that before, v cool.

[Ragorn]

Arguing with Christians is occasionally fun, but rarely productive. In order to be a Christian, you have to have something called faith. Faith is the ability to reach a conclusion without logical or reasonable evidence. Faith is doublethink, it's the ability to simultaneously hold two contradictory beliefs. Logically, you cannot at the same time believe that your god loves all men equally, but demands that you "put gays out of your sight." Someone who argues by faith can never be convinced by logic. In order to accept Christianity, a person must already be willing to make certain leaps of judgement that logic would never allow. If a person can suspend rationality long enough to place their belief in an invisible entity with unending power over life and creation, what makes you think you can sway their opinion by pointing out words in their holy text that don't make sense? :)

[Ashiwi]

I have faith that God exists. I just don't have faith in anything man does. That includes the interpretation and presentation of the Bible.

Inspired by God, perhaps in the way a painter is inspired by a sunset. You can get a rough depiction of it, but you can never quite capture the reality.

Written by man.

[Vipplin]

Arguing with Christians is occasionally fun, but rarely productive. In order to be a Christian, you have to have something called faith. Faith is the ability to reach a conclusion without logical or reasonable evidence. Faith is doublethink, it's the ability to simultaneously hold two contradictory beliefs. Logically, you cannot at the same time believe that your god loves all men equally, but demands that you "put gays out of your sight." Someone who argues by faith can never be convinced by logic. In order to accept Christianity, a person must already be willing to make certain leaps of judgement that logic would never allow. If a person can suspend rationality long enough to place their belief in an invisible entity with unending power over life and creation, what makes you think you can sway their opinion by pointing out words in their holy text that don't make sense? :)

Yup. I do occasionally envy people with faith, though. It must be nice. I think too much.