Ask a guy who just ran, like, nine blocks!

[Xolan]

Dear Guy Who Just Ran, Like, Nine Blocks,


My mother-in-law is very attentive, generous, and helpful. She's always ready to lend a hand—and that's the problem! She's constantly buying things for my family's house (she and her husband are quite wealthy). Last week, she took it upon herself to buy us new living-room furniture. Maybe she's doing this out of the goodness of her heart, but I can't help but feel like she's criticizing our home. She's coming for an extended visit next month, and I am sure she'll show up with a load of presents in the car and a tape measure in her pocket. Is there a nice way to ask her to leave the decorating to me?

—Suffocated In Santa Monica

Dear Suffocated,


Oh, geez... I'm sorry. Hold on. Okay, whew. Okay, I... I didn't mean to keep you all waiting. I just ran, like, nine blocks. Oh, God... Can I get some water? You all must totally hate me... I didn't mean to keep you waiting. Oh, thanks, Phil. Ahhh, that's good. Good water. Okay, sorry. I was doing really well... on time. I'll tell you guys what happened in just a second. Ugh... I just have to catch my breath. Christ, am I out of shape! I didn't think I would be doing any running today. Oh, shit. I called... oh, man... I can still barely... breathe. Did you guys call? I turned off my phone for some stupid reason and only realized I was late when it fell out of my pocket... when I was running. I tried turning it on, but it didn't... I can't fucking figure this thing out... Any moron can but I can't. So, when I picked it up and realized how late it was... that's when I took off running.


Syndicated Columnist Doug Cook...


I wish all Advice columns were like this.


*smell my pooter* (and by pooter, I mean my computer, you sicko)

[sok]

not too funny, but keep trying.

what's funny is: 2 guys walking into a bar.