Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

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Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 5:52 pm

I met this girl in high school, and we used to spend our lunches are time after school together almost every day. I'd go to the library to be with her because my parents didn't want her in our home even though she was a big part of my life at the time. Finally they caved and she pretty much lived in our house. I'd be late for dinner, work, you name it just to spend more time with her. We had our rocky times, but there was never a real doubt that our relationship was in trouble until recently.

A couple years ago she told me that she was ready to take our relationship to the next level, and of course I was thrilled and willing. Well, its been about 2 years now and she still hasn't made good. She doesn't want to communicate with me at all it seems. We argue and she just storms out of the room mad without really talking with me. Which is frustrating, because just getting her to talk at all is a chore lately.

I've been seeing her seriously for well over a decade now, but her recent lack of communication and my doubts about her commitment to the relationship are forcing me to ask: should I dump her?
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 16, 2008 5:55 pm

Well, the question is, do you want to keep pursuing her? Or would you rather spend your entire life chasing a girl who's done like 10 million other men?
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 6:01 pm

Well, I know she's seen other people and I'm cool with that. My concern is that I may never recapture that spark we had when I first fell in love with her, flaws and all. For instance, her mom was a completely insane bitch when we met, and her dad should've worn a helmet everywhere. I didn't care though, because she made me happy.

She moved in with her uncle a few years back, and I thought it was going to be a much better enviornment for her. Turns out I was wrong, her uncle started abusing her not too long after she moved in. I think she actually came to enjoy it in some sick and twisted way, because recently he's been neglecting her which seems to upset her even more than the abuse.

I still love her. I know she's had a rough life. I see the potential in her and just want her to shine.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 16, 2008 6:02 pm

I think the same advice I gave Sarvis is good for you too:

You should spend less time calling her and more time worrying about the rest of your life.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 6:05 pm

But she's been such a big part of my life, I just want her to listen to me. It hurts me when she just hangs up though. She's been a part of my life for literally half of my life, how can you give something like that up?
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 16, 2008 6:10 pm

You have to do what I did, man. You have to find somebody new. You gotta resist the urge to call her when you're up at 4am and drunk. You had lots of good times, but you're never gonna get them back. Hang onto memories of the good times, and get out there and find something better.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 6:12 pm

I tried dating other people, and I really had fun. But even then I kept in touch with her. We travel in the same circles so I'm always going to run into her anyway. Its just so frustrating. I don't know what I should do.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Callarduran » Fri May 16, 2008 6:24 pm

This is a really tough situation. It looks to me, admittedly from way outside, that she has a lot of things that she has to deal with. It's difficult to see that in someone who is just a friend, much less someone that you really care for.

I don't know if this is possible, but as you have been together with her for quite some time now, would you be able to get her to go to some sort of couple's counseling? I don't know if that is something that you are willing to do, or if you would be able to convince her. I'm not normally one to say that something can be solved on a therapist's couch, but it seems that a large part of this comes from communications issues - and something larger in the background on her part. Especially if this has just come about recently. Even if things fall through with the two of you, maybe starting with something like that might get her to the help she might need.

(edit) Note that the idea of couple's counseling is really only if you have been "together" recently for a long time. I think 2 years is enough of a long time, especially with past history, but that is only my opinion.

Only you out of anyone here who will give you advise is close enough to know if anything I just said pertains to her in any way.

I would not be quick to just say "dump her." It might end up being what happens, but when you're involved with someone for that long of a time, be it intimately or just as friends, or on again off again both, you are going to be close to the situation, and want to see what is best for both of you.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 7:25 pm

Thanks for the advice, Call. I'm more than willing to try and work things out betwen us, but really she needs to fix her personal problems but I don't think that's possible with her uncle still in her life and he's immovable apparently (I've tried). I've always done what I thought was best for her, its like steering a cruise ship with a rowboat oar though.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Dalar » Fri May 16, 2008 7:28 pm

I say forget about the chick. She can always be a livelong friend because that seems to be what she is. I personally wouldn't date a chick w/ that many personal problems and a shitty family situation (mainly b/c my family doesn't have much drama).
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Todrael » Fri May 16, 2008 7:46 pm

From afar, XXXXXXX often wonders why you keep coming back if you truly dislike this place so much. Then I wonder why I keep coming back when the people piss me off so much. I think it's the same. Everyone needs a feeling and sense of superiority.

You paged XXXXXX with 'No, you're wrong. It's a sense of belonging that's so powerful it makes all the crap, somehow, tolerable.'.

Let me leave with words of dignity and inspiration, not the words of bile and negativity that flow so easily to these venerable keys:

Within your minds, each of you, is a world of fantasy. You dream it, you think it, and when the lighting is right, the mood perfect, the audience responsive, you act it. But dream and fantasy, when lived every day, many hours a day, becomes routine and grey. As each card; adventure, romance, sadness, angst, vindication, victory, charity, greatness, are laid before you and turned over you begin to know the face of the card. The feeling is strongest as the card is turned, and the longer it remains visible, the more acustomed to its value you become. Time kills fantasy, time kills the magic, time kills the dream.

We are told that our dreams and fantasies have an invulnerability. We are taught that our goals are achievable, and that nothing is beyond our reach if we can find the strength to see it through. Yet, the fantasy still dies. In our sadness, apathy, or confusion we point and blame. "He ruined my dream, she ruined my fantasy, they took away place thing person rule bar love and now the magic is gone." But it is time that kills. It is familiarity that comes with time that kills.

There isn't a person on this mush who's opinion can truly be swayed to any real effect. Why cannot then, we be as stubborn about living out our fantasy? I don't know. All I can say is this:

While the magic is here, be here. Live it to its fullest. When the magic dies, be strong and move on. When you out-live your own magic, you run the risk of ruining someone elses.

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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Raiwen » Fri May 16, 2008 7:49 pm

you've been seeing her since high school?

People change - especially during the highschool->college years. You and her may NOT be the same person you fell for those many years ago. Is it the person you're in love with, or the idea of that person? Does the rejection hurt more than the loss of the person?

Figure out where your feelings are coming from first, then try and tackle the tougher questions.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 16, 2008 7:52 pm

While the magic is here, be here. Live it to its fullest. When the magic dies, be strong and move on. When you out-live your own magic, you run the risk of ruining someone elses.

I'm glad someone gets it.

Epic thread is epic.
- Ragorn
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Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 7:54 pm

We're definitely both different people than we were when we met, but to me that's just a part of life. I still feel like if she got away from the negative influences in her life, she'd be better off and definitely more fun to be around. I've tried talking to her aunt and uncle, but they are as stubborn as I am, and ignorant to boot. That's a winning combination for constructive conversation if I ever saw it.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Sarvis » Fri May 16, 2008 7:59 pm

I dunno, I mean I'm clearly not an expert on these things... but I don't necessarily see someone changing much just because they got away from their bad influences. At this point she's going to be largely set in her ways, and she'll have to want to change and work towards it to actually change.

My theory, anyway...
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Shevarash » Fri May 16, 2008 8:06 pm

Hi Gormal!

TorilMUD is not your girlfriend. If you seriously want to discuss your feelings about the MUD , then drop the clever riddle and talk plainly. Otherwise I'll assume this is just your attempt at a joke. You get points for originality but lose points for comparing me to an abusive uncle. Crazy uncle I'm ok with, but...
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 16, 2008 8:07 pm

Gormal wrote:We're definitely both different people than we were when we met, but to me that's just a part of life. I still feel like if she got away from the negative influences in her life, she'd be better off and definitely more fun to be around. I've tried talking to her aunt and uncle, but they are as stubborn as I am, and ignorant to boot. That's a winning combination for constructive conversation if I ever saw it.

Well Jake. Hmm. The trouble with long term relationships is that you tend to grow apart as time goes on.

You've changed a lot since high school. You've have other interests now, you've expanded and grown. And admittedly I'm not all that close to this chick, but it doesn't seem like she's undergone the same changes you have. She's a nice enough girl, and I think she's going to do ok. But she hasn't matured along with you. She still clings to a lot of those childish traits that were cute when you were younger, but really aren't what you're looking for anymore. Maybe you're not the one for her anymore either. Who knows.

It's tough to see the situation for what it is, I know. It's not easy to make that final break... to get over the drunk dialing, the late night talks, the nostalgia for when things were fresh and new. But you've gotta do it. You just have to tell her that you want to be friends, but that being anything more has been too taxing on you. Be honest... tell her that you need something more, something that she hasn't been able to provide. When you've told her all of those things, turn and leave.

And then...

...delete her IP from your ZMud and stop making new alts.


(I told you epic thread was epic)
- Ragorn
Shar: Leave the moaning to the people who have real issues to moan about like rangers or newbies.
Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 16, 2008 8:08 pm

(Shevy beat me to the punchline, which is significantly less epic)
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 8:08 pm

Dartan, Corth, and Sarvis all owned in one single thread. Doesn't get much more epic than that.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 16, 2008 8:09 pm

Gormal wrote:Dartan, Corth, and Sarvis all owned in one single thread. Doesn't get much more epic than that.

Truth.

It's a shame nobody was arguing, so we couldn't get a tef post.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Corth » Fri May 16, 2008 8:10 pm

Gormal,

As you are aware.. I had relations with your girl at one point. She also eventually shunned me. Made it pretty clear she was not interested in what I had to say. I think its just in her nature. The root of the problem are the authoritative figures who have been controlling her all these years. At some point I guess it became clear that she would never get over that. Its a shame, but like everyone else, your going to have to move on.
Last edited by Corth on Fri May 16, 2008 8:14 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 8:12 pm

Another thing that's been pissing me off lately is how we have to keep our relationship PG-13 because of her family. I'm a grownup, that's not what I want in my life.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Fri May 16, 2008 8:15 pm

I wonder what ever happened to her other creepy uncle.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 8:17 pm

I honestly think he might have died years ago, but they had him stuffed and mounted to prop up in the living room.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby avak » Fri May 16, 2008 8:22 pm

I was looking for a random Kierkegaard quote today (btw anyone know that one about when men live they should live with passion, love something something, curse all the generations of the families of their enemies...real shaky on the details obviously). But anyway, when I read this post I thought of one that I had seen:

"I see it all perfectly; there are two possible situations - one can either do this or that. My honest opinion and my friendly advice is this: do it or do not do it - you will regret both."
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Sarvis » Fri May 16, 2008 8:30 pm

Gormal wrote:Dartan, Corth, and Sarvis all owned in one single thread. Doesn't get much more epic than that.



Says who? My reply works with the storyline... more or less. If you squint just right...
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Dalar » Fri May 16, 2008 9:12 pm

Shevarash is smarter than I thought.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Sarvis » Fri May 16, 2008 9:14 pm

Or more suspicious....
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Kifle » Fri May 16, 2008 9:22 pm

Lol, this thread wins.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Gormal » Fri May 16, 2008 9:28 pm

Dalar wrote:Shevarash is smarter than I thought.


Being smarter than Dartan isn't what I'd call a supreme achievement.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Fri May 16, 2008 10:30 pm

My suggestion, Jake, is to just enjoy being able to spend some time every day with her, exploring each and every orifice in her body and derive pleasure from it. Granted, sometimes you might find an orifice that is completely useless and has no intrinsic pleasure to speak of, but the mere act of exploring her every contour should give you lasting satisfaction. Being able to pass your icy tongue through her parts, stealing every opportunity to lay your hands throughout her gift, nature's blessing to you, you might just resurrect or forage the fiery embodiment of a time long forgotten. You might even find some places that you'd never known would give you such enjoyment. Just don't over-do it, and let her become your soul prison. Feel free to try new things, like rolling on her naked on some mud.

However, if she ever wants you to meet her hot five-headed cousin, I'd say no.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ragorn » Sat May 17, 2008 2:32 pm

And with that, the thread has now jumped the shark.
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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Corth » Sat May 17, 2008 2:51 pm

We can always talk about unicorns!
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



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Re: Another Sappy Personal Advice Thread

Postby Ashiwi » Sun May 18, 2008 1:51 am

Dude... I got busy with your girlfriend behind your back for years. Listen to Rags... we've all been on that bicycle.

And to answer Carl's question from another thread...

I got tired of riding her around in circles. Occasionally it's still fun for old time's sake, but if she won't at least consider putting down the kickstand and trying on the chipmunk costume, that's pretty much all we have left.
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