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I've decided to tread the path to hell and become a lawyer. Just registered/paid for my LSAT :( Does it hurt when you sell your soul, Corth?

Like you ever had good intentions.

Nah you won't feel a thing! (ever again) Trust me! (Muahahahahahahaha)

Corth wrote:Nah you won't feel a thing! (ever again) Trust me! (Muahahahahahahaha)

Corth, you are like my favorite ever. You should come on a cruise with us!

Vena

Ohh man, half your cruise party is probably freaking out now that I might actually say yes. Its like you just invited cousin Eddie to come over for Griswald family Christmas.

Actually cruising is a very touchy subject in my household. My wife loves it and I can't stand it. Whenever I go on a cruise I feel like a mark for the natives. For instance those stinking $20 taxi rides in Cozumel from collusive taxi driving bastards who would be happy to take $5 if they weren't in cahoots to rip us off. Or $10 pina coladas that come out of a cocunut made to look like a monkey's head. That stupid coconut just isn't so cute anymore once you get home. I horde loose change in mine. Fucking thing constantly laughs at me about how I wasted $10 on what was ultimately a fugly piggy bank.

The worst part about it, for me, is the food. Thats usually the best part for most people. For me, its horrible. I have no discipline. I eat so much that by the time I'm done with a cruise I fucking hate food. For weeks afterwards it feels like a chore just to shovel enough calories down my throat to get through the day. Food wasn't a problem until I learned that you could order as many appetizers or entrees as you want. It used to be a serious decision between the shrimp cocktail, the baked clams, or the fried calamari. But then I found out you could order all three. And we aren't even at entrees yet! Thats when it started going downhill. For me, at least, it feels like its my duty on a cruise to heave as much crap down my throat as possible. You know.. to get my money's worth.

Finally, cruises make me confront something in myself that is REALLY scary. The capability of being a serial killer. Seriously. I'm generally a nonviolent guy. More or less easygoing despite what you see on the BBS. But those fucking cruise employees.. I start fantasizing about the different ways I could deprive them of life. Why? They are so tacky in the different ways they try to sell you crap. It starts with the cruise director's 'meeting' on where to get the best 'deals' at the port of call. Invariably they want you to go to a place called Diamond's International. They have such a Diamond's International fetish that the only possible answer is they are getting some serious kickbacks for promoting it. Either that or the cruise companies own it. Then you have the bullshit 'art auction' and the overpriced tourist trap excursions (book them from a private vendor before you go on your cruise and save 50%+). Finally, on the last day of the cruise, the gift shop discounts its already massively overpriced crap by 50%. So you feel like your getting a good deal on only moderately expensive shit.

Ultimately, my take on cruises is that you are paying for the right to be carted around, fattened up, and taken advantage of. Still want me to tag along? :)

Kill them all!

Corth is the grinch that stole november...

Corth wrote:For instance those stinking $20 taxi rides in Cozumel from collusive taxi driving bastards who would be happy to take $5 if they weren't in cahoots to rip us off.

Now now Corth, that's impossible. No one can collude, the free market gaurantees it!

Sick burn.

Corth wrote:Ohh man, half your cruise party is probably freaking out now that I might actually say yes. Its like you just invited cousin Eddie to come over for Griswald family Christmas.

Ultimately, my take on cruises is that you are paying for the right to be carted around, fattened up, and taken advantage of. Still want me to tag along? :)

Yes.

Vena

Rofl. Can't do it. But I appreciate the invitation! :)

All the cruisers can relax now!

No they can't; I'm going :)

They'll all be blind when they get back after seeing your farmer's tan. :P