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shalath
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...

Postby shalath » Wed Nov 26, 2008 9:58 am

One sunny day in January, 2009 an old man approached the White House from Across Pennsylvania Avenue, where he'd been sitting on a parkbench. He spoke to the U.S. Marine standing guard and said, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.'

The Marine looked at the man and said, 'Sir, Mr. Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here.'

The old man said, 'Okay', and walked away.

The following day, the same man approached the White House and said to the same Marine, 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.' The Marine again told the man, 'Sir, as I said yesterday, Mr. Bush is no longer President and no longer resides here.'

The man thanked him and, again, just walked away.

The third day, the same man approached the White House and spoke to the very same U.S. Marine, saying 'I would like to go in and meet with President Bush.' The Marine, understandably agitated at this point, looked at the man and said, 'Sir, this is the third day in row you have been here asking to speak to Mr. Bush. I've told you already that Mr. Bush is no longer the President and no longer resides here. Don't you understand?'

The old man looked at the Marine and said, 'Oh, I understand. I just love hearing it.'

The Marine snapped to attention, saluted, and said, 'See you tomorrow, Sir.'
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Gormal
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Re: ...

Postby Gormal » Wed Nov 26, 2008 1:42 pm

Did not deliver, want my 5 minutes back.
Sarvis
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Re: ...

Postby Sarvis » Wed Nov 26, 2008 3:39 pm

Technically, Presidents retain the title after leaving office.
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I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write. - Some Guy Who Paraphrased Voltaire
Ragorn
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Re: ...

Postby Ragorn » Wed Nov 26, 2008 7:10 pm

Image
- Ragorn
Shar: Leave the moaning to the people who have real issues to moan about like rangers or newbies.
Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
Corth
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Re: ...

Postby Corth » Wed Nov 26, 2008 11:24 pm

Gormal wrote:Did not deliver, want my 5 minutes back.


Same here.. but *I* only need about 1 minute back. :)
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth

Goddamned slippery mage.
Gormal
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Re: ...

Postby Gormal » Wed Nov 26, 2008 11:38 pm

4 minutes of shaking my head in dismay.
shalath
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Posts: 310
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Re: ...

Postby shalath » Thu Nov 27, 2008 7:51 am

Corth, you can have 1 minute back. Gormal, you were being greedy, you get nothing until you learn to shake your head on your own time!

Anyway, I actually thought it was quite funny, but apparently the same joke has been done about other people - this just happens to be the first time I heard it, I guess it wouldn't be as funny rehashed :)
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flib
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Re: ...

Postby flib » Thu Nov 27, 2008 11:19 am

sigh. what a ripoff, all that for a craptastic punchline.
shalath
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Re: ...

Postby shalath » Fri Nov 28, 2008 8:59 am

A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?




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The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, and even fix his car. As theman tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound; a sound like no other that he has ever heard. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.


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The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the samemonastery.
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The monks again accept him, feed him, and even fix his car.
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That night, he hears the same strange mesmerizing sound that he had heard years earlier.
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The next morning, he asks what the sound was, but the monks reply,
We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
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The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.


If the only way I can find out what that sound was, is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
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The monks reply, you must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.
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The man sets about his task. Some forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, I have traveled the earth and devoted my life to the task demanded and have found what you had asked for. There are 371,145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
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The monks reply, Congratulations, you are correct and now you are a monk.


We shall now show you the way to the sound.
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The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, the sound is behind that door.



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The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He asks, May I have the key?
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The monks give him the key, and he opens the door.


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Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. Theman requests the key to the stone door.


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The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald,...


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>...silver, topaz, and amethyst.


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Finally, themonks say, This is the key to the last door.
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The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is astonished to find the source of that strange sound. It is truly an amazing and unbelievable sight.
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But I can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.


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*Now* you can complain about "all that for a craptastic punchline" :-P
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kwirl
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Re: ...

Postby kwirl » Sat Nov 29, 2008 1:15 pm

Lol, I was hoping it would be something like a coffee machine or something.
flib
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Re: ...

Postby flib » Sat Nov 29, 2008 10:45 pm

I didn't think it'd be possible to top the crapiness of the last joke but somehow you succeeded. Good work, that joke sucked more than the first one.

Ok.

Gary the mountaineer is an avid hunter, he's hunted every type of game you can think of. Deer, antelope, quail, bison you name it, he's hunted it. With one exception, gary has never hunted bear. On a sunny sunday afternoon gary decides "okay! time to hunt some bear!"so he go's the the local bear hunting area sets up his rifle and is on the lookout for a bear.

some time passes and gary sights a bear, he takes a shot BANG! and exclaims "I GOT IT!" he runs down to the place he shot the bear to collect his prize, and to his amazement nothing's there. what the? just as he was thinking that something heavy taps him on the shoulder, he turns around and there's the bear. The bear says "Okay, I can either **** you up the *** or I can maul you viciously your choice. gary, enjoying his life up to that point allowed the bear to defile his rectum.

The next week comes by and gary's like "man.. I gotta get that damned bear" So he goes to the bear hunting ground with an even BIGGER gun and sets up and looks for the bear. He sights the bear and shoots BBAANNGG! "I GOT IT!" he exclaims and runs down to the place he shot the bear and once again, nothing's there. After a second goes by he gets another heavy tap on the shoulder. The bear says ok, once again I can either **** you up the *** or I can maul you viciously. Again gary chooses to save his own life and allows the bear to defile his rectum once again.

Another week goes by and gary is pissed, Ok I'm gettin that sumbitch! He takes an elephant gun and go's back to the bear hunting ground, sets up and looks for the bear. This time he really sees the bear, he sights and shoots. BBBBAAANNGG!!! "I Got IT!" he exclaims and runs down to the same place that the bear was last time, Again No bear, just an empty field. Gary mutters, "oh man, not again." The bear taps him on the shoulder, gary turns around. The bear looks at him quizzicaly and says "you're not really here for the hunting, are you?"

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