The not serious political thread!

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Corth
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The not serious political thread!

Postby Corth » Tue Dec 09, 2008 1:53 am

Go debate in some other thread!

21
economic models:

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATIC
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the
milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

AN INVESTMENT BANK
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a
debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all
four
cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who
sells
the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on
one
more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving
you
with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your
bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want
three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market
it
worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have
lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have
none..
No-one believes you, so they bomb the shit out of you and invade your
country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy.

NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go to a bar to celebrate.

AN IRISH CORPORATION
You have 1 Cow, she runs the HSE
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth

Goddamned slippery mage.
Kifle
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Kifle » Tue Dec 09, 2008 3:18 am

Lol, awesome thread, Corth. The investment bank one is the best.
Fotex group-says 'Behold! penis!'

Kifle puts on his robe and wizard hat.

Thalidyrr tells you 'Yeah, you know, getting it like a jackhammer wears you out.'

Teflor "You can beat a tank with a shovel!!1!1!!one!!1!uno!!"
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby daggaz » Tue Dec 09, 2008 7:26 pm

hahaha oh man i sneezed beer on my keyboard. this is going to get spread around the accounting firm im working in...
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby kiryan » Wed Dec 10, 2008 12:35 am

somewhere in there should be

US FARMER

you have 2 cows.
the government pays you 1m not to milk 6 cows.
you ship all your milk oversea on a US food aid program destroying foreign farmers and driving up the domestic cost of milk.
the government cuts your taxes so you can buy 2 more cows to meet increased food security.
the government pays 2m not to milk 12 cows.
you buy another dairy with your 2m in government subsidies so that you can get paid for not milking 24 cows.
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Ragorn » Wed Dec 10, 2008 4:50 pm

WORLD OF WARCRAFT FARMER

[fasjoviahoadf]: Welcome now to COWS EXPRESS! Simply we have best selection of cows, beef, and milk. $19.95 USD for 12 cows, 15-20 minute devliver guarenteed! Check out now http://www.cowsexpress.com for best selection and service!
- Ragorn
Shar: Leave the moaning to the people who have real issues to moan about like rangers or newbies.
Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Corth » Thu Dec 11, 2008 1:43 am

This is funny and sad at the same time.
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
Ragorn
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Ragorn » Thu Dec 11, 2008 2:30 am

Corth wrote:This is funny and sad at the same time.

Sounds like they need a bailout.
- Ragorn
Shar: Leave the moaning to the people who have real issues to moan about like rangers or newbies.
Corth: Go ask out a chick that doesn't wiggle her poon in people's faces for a living.
Corth
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Corth » Thu Dec 11, 2008 4:43 am

Yeah well, I'm not so sure 700 billion dollars gets much done over there!
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
Kifle
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Kifle » Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:34 am

Corth wrote:This is funny and sad at the same time.


Lol, I was listening about this on the news the other day on my way to school. Man, Africa is fucked up... it's kida like a bizzaro continent. I wonder if I can go to the currency exchange and buy me up some Zimbabwe dollars and pose as some kind of African millionaire and get special treatment at a restaurant or something. That would be good times.
Fotex group-says 'Behold! penis!'

Kifle puts on his robe and wizard hat.

Thalidyrr tells you 'Yeah, you know, getting it like a jackhammer wears you out.'

Teflor "You can beat a tank with a shovel!!1!1!!one!!1!uno!!"
oteb
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby oteb » Thu Dec 11, 2008 8:58 pm

My personal addition.

POLISH CORPORATION
You have 2 cows.
You pray for another immaculate conception so you can breed them.
It fails.
You go have a drink.
You group-say 'who is da red shape?'
A red shape group-says 'I'm a shape'
Ashiwi
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Ashiwi » Thu Dec 11, 2008 9:25 pm

Illinois Farmer:

You have 1 cow.
Your cow goes away to become supreme cow.
You attempt to sell your cow vacancy to the highest bidder.
You spend time in the pen... but it's not the cowpen.
Gormal tells you 'im a dwarven onion'
Gormal tells you 'always another beer-soaked layer'

Inama ASSOC:: 'though it may suit your fantasies to think so, i don't need oil for anything.'

Haley: Filthy lucre? I wash that lucre every day until it SHINES!
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Gormal » Fri Dec 12, 2008 10:59 am

Torilism:

You are promised 2.0 cows.
You receive none.


did I do this right?
shalath
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby shalath » Fri Dec 12, 2008 12:14 pm

Trollism:

You keep asking for 2.0 cows.
Even though you know you are stuck with 1.

Was that the right response?
[Profile edited by Board Admin. If you can't be civil, we'll fix it for you. -ed]
oteb
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby oteb » Thu Dec 25, 2008 6:34 pm

Dakota tribal wisdom says that "when you discover you are
riding a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount."
Contrary to the proper Dakota tribal wisdom just above, our politicians and
upper level management in large companies seem to always want to follow
the list of actions below to the final conclusion in "Number 21"

1. Buying a stronger whip.

2. Changing riders.

3. Saying things like "This is the way we always have ridden this horse".

4. Appointing a committee to study the horse.

5. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.

6. Increasing the standards to ride dead horses.

7. Appointing a tiger team to revive the dead horse.

8. Creating a training session to increase our riding ability.

9. Comparing the state of dead horses in today's environment.

10. Change the requirements declaring that "This horse is not dead".

11. Hire independant contractors to ride the dead horse.

12. Harnessing several dead horses together for increased speed.

13. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat".

14. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.

15. Do a study to see if contractors can ride it cheaper.

16. Purchase a product to make dead horses run faster.

17. Declare the horse is "better, faster and cheaper" dead.

18. Form a quality circle to find uses for dead horses.

19. Revisit the performance requirements for horses.

20. Say this horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.

And finally, when all else fails to solve the problem:

21. Promote the dead horse into a Management Position and fire the rider.
You group-say 'who is da red shape?'

A red shape group-says 'I'm a shape'
Kifle
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Kifle » Fri Dec 26, 2008 6:36 am

Rofl, Oteb. 10 and 11 are good stuff.
Fotex group-says 'Behold! penis!'

Kifle puts on his robe and wizard hat.

Thalidyrr tells you 'Yeah, you know, getting it like a jackhammer wears you out.'

Teflor "You can beat a tank with a shovel!!1!1!!one!!1!uno!!"
Corth
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Corth » Fri Jan 23, 2009 7:06 pm

Is it just me or is this news article sending some odd messages?

“How can you spend hundreds of millions of dollars on contraceptives?” Boehner asked. “How does that stimulate the economy?”

Boehner said congressional Republicans are also concerned about the size of the package.
Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
Corth
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Location: NY, USA

Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Corth » Mon Mar 09, 2009 3:52 am

Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.
Kifle
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Kifle » Mon Mar 09, 2009 9:43 pm

Corth wrote:New F'ing Citibank - NSFW!


Oh fuck me that was great. A pledge of righteousness. I love it, thanks Corth.
Fotex group-says 'Behold! penis!'

Kifle puts on his robe and wizard hat.

Thalidyrr tells you 'Yeah, you know, getting it like a jackhammer wears you out.'

Teflor "You can beat a tank with a shovel!!1!1!!one!!1!uno!!"
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Sarvis » Mon Mar 09, 2009 10:36 pm

I thought it was pretty meh. Then again I know people who worked for citibank, and these changes sound like they'd make the place _more_ efficient, so maybe the message was lost on me.
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Kifle
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Kifle » Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:34 am

Sarvis wrote:I thought it was pretty meh. Then again I know people who worked for citibank, and these changes sound like they'd make the place _more_ efficient, so maybe the message was lost on me.


No worries. That's just a side effect of not having a sense of humor.
Fotex group-says 'Behold! penis!'

Kifle puts on his robe and wizard hat.

Thalidyrr tells you 'Yeah, you know, getting it like a jackhammer wears you out.'

Teflor "You can beat a tank with a shovel!!1!1!!one!!1!uno!!"
Adriorn Darkcloak
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Adriorn Darkcloak » Wed Mar 11, 2009 3:34 am

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She lowered her altitude and spotted a man in a boat below. She shouted to him:

"Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago, but I don't know where I am."

The man consulted his portable GPS and replied: "You're in a hot air balloon, approximately 30 feet above a ground elevation of 2346 feet above sea level. You are at 31 degrees, 14.97 minutes north latitude and 100 degrees, 49.09 minutes west longitude."

She rolled her eyes and said: "You must be a Republican."

'I am,' replied the man. 'How did you know?'

'Well,' answered the balloonist, 'everything you told me is technically correct, but I have no idea what to do with your information, and I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help to me.'

The man smiled and responded, 'You must be a Democrat.'

'I am,' replied the balloonist. 'How did you know?'

"Well," said the man, "you don't know where you are or where you are going. You've risen to where you are, due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise that you have no idea how to keep, and you expect me to solve your problem. You're in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but, somehow, now it's my fault."
"There is one big rule in life - the things you worry about never happen, and the things that happen are never the ones you expect." - John Bellairs
Sarvis
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Sarvis » Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:02 am

Meh... works better with a CEO and an Engineer... especially since nothing a Republican says could ever be considered technically correct. :P


Here's one I got in email earlier:

John Smith started the day early having set his alarmclock(MADE IN JAPAN ) for 6 AM
While his Coffeepot(MADE IN CHINA ) was perking,
he shaved with his Electric razor(MADE IN HONG KONG ).
He put on a Dress shirt(MADE IN SRI LANKA ),
Designer jeans(MADE IN SINGAPORE )
And tennis shoes(MADE IN KOREA )
After cooking his breakfast in his new electric skillet(MADE IN INDIA )
he sat down with his Calculator(MADE IN MEXICO )
to see how much he could spend today. After setting his Watch(MADE IN TAIWAN )
to the radio(MADE IN INDIA )
He got in his car(MADE IN GERMANY )
filled it with GAS (from Saudi Arabia )
and continued his search for a good paying AMERICAN JOB.
At the end of yet another discouraging and fruitless day checking his Computer(Made In Malaysia ),
Joe decided to relax for a while. He put on his sandals (MADE IN BRAZIL )
Poured himself a glass of Wine(MADE IN FRANCE )
And turned on his TV(MADE IN INDONESIA ),
and then wondered why he can't find a good paying job in AMERICA



EDIT wierd... it was formatted when I copied it!
Last edited by Sarvis on Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:30 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Pril
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Pril » Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:09 am

Sarvis wrote:Meh... works better with a CEO and an Engineer... especially since nothing a Republican says could ever be considered technically correct. :P


Here's one I got in email earlier:

John Smith started the day early having set his alarmclock(MADE IN JAPAN )for 6 AMWhile hisCoffeepot(MADE IN CHINA )was perking, he shaved with hisElectric razor(MADE IN HONG KONG ).He put on aDress shirt(MADE IN SRI LANKA ),Designer jeans(MADE IN SINGAPORE )Andtennis shoes(MADE IN KOREA )After cooking his breakfast in his newelectric skillet(MADE IN INDIA )he sat down with hisCalculator(MADE IN MEXICO )to see how much he could spend today. After setting hisWatch(MADE IN TAIWAN )to theradio(MADE IN INDIA )He got in hiscar(MADE IN GERMANY )< font size="6" face="Arial">filled it with GAS(from Saudi Arabia )and continued his searchfor a good paying AMERICAN JOB.At the endOf yet another discouragingand fruitless daychecking hisComputer(Made In Malaysia ),Joe decided to rel ax for a while.&n bsp;He put on hissandals(MADE IN BRAZIL )Poured himself a glass ofWine(MADE IN FRANCE )And turned on hisTV(MADE IN INDONESIA ),and then wonderedwhy he can't finda good paying jobin AMERICA ..You gottaKeep this one circulating, please.!


FOR THE LOVE OF FREAKING GOD FORMAT YOUR POSTS!
The best of WTF statments of '06
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Sarvis » Wed Mar 11, 2009 4:31 am

Fixed... sorry!
<a href="http://www.code-haven.com">Code Haven</a> - For all your programming needs.

I detest what you write, but I would give my life to make it possible for you to continue to write. - Some Guy Who Paraphrased Voltaire
Corth
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Re: The not serious political thread!

Postby Corth » Wed Mar 18, 2009 2:58 pm

Having said all that, the situation has been handled, so this thread is pretty much at an end. -Kossuth



Goddamned slippery mage.

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