The Game

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Kifle
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Re: The Game

Postby Kifle » Mon Jun 01, 2009 6:05 pm

Botef wrote:Best advice I can give is don't try to understand or interpret that behavior when your not even in a relationship yet. Just be persistent but courteous. Lastly, use e-mail for suggesting plans not making them. If you really want to set something up call her.


^^ Good advice. You can really tell a lot through hesitation/tone over the phone -- something that is completely lost through e-mail. Just reply to the e-mail: "sure, I'll give you a call later in the week sometime." Wait a few days, and call at a time when you are almost positive she wont be unable to speak on the phone. If she doesn't answer, leave a voicemail for her to get back to you, and don't call again. If she doesn't reply, drop her and move on to the next. Over-persue a woman, and you run the chance of looking desperate which will cause them to lose interest in you. Don't keep seeming like you're so available. That's your biggest problem right now, I believe.
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Re: The Game

Postby Dalar » Mon Jun 01, 2009 9:51 pm

Why wait? You've had her number for a couple of days already. Just call her now and tell her you want to meet up. You don't need to talk about anything else. Before you call though, prepare what you're going to say, time, location etc.
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:12 am

So we finally talked on the phone earlier... Wed. and Thurs are no good for her (despite suggesting wednesday previously) but she suggested Friday, when she knows I have a meetup planned for that day already.

I guess it doesn't look good... :(
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Re: The Game

Postby Pril » Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:50 pm

Or she forgot about the meetup. When she suggested it did you remind her you have a meetup and suggest sat or sunday?
The best of WTF statments of '06
--------------------------------------------------------
Danila group-says 'afk, machine gun in backyard started shooting cats'
Danila group-says 'afk a sec, 3 horned monkeys trying to steal hose'
Danila group-says 'afk, koala bear trying to mount my car'
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:54 pm

Pril wrote:Or she forgot about the meetup. When she suggested it did you remind her you have a meetup and suggest sat or sunday?


She knew, she apologized for not being able to make it...

She technically wanted to get together later on, but since the meetup is at a bar I'm probably going to be half drunk afterwards so that's not really any good either.

Did suggest the weekend but she wasn't sure about that either... and next week she's getting ready for a trip so that's out, apparently.

Really, she could just say no instead of keeping me on the phone for a half-hour chat. :(
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Re: The Game

Postby Pril » Wed Jun 03, 2009 12:57 pm

Sarvis wrote:
Pril wrote:Or she forgot about the meetup. When she suggested it did you remind her you have a meetup and suggest sat or sunday?


She knew, she apologized for not being able to make it...

She technically wanted to get together later on, but since the meetup is at a bar I'm probably going to be half drunk afterwards so that's not really any good either.

Did suggest the weekend but she wasn't sure about that either... and next week she's getting ready for a trip so that's out, apparently.

Really, she could just say no instead of keeping me on the phone for a half-hour chat. :(


Or as a radical idea you could only have one or two drinks at the meetup and then go meet up with her and not be half drunk. I don't know just some out of the box thinking.
The best of WTF statments of '06

--------------------------------------------------------

Danila group-says 'afk, machine gun in backyard started shooting cats'

Danila group-says 'afk a sec, 3 horned monkeys trying to steal hose'

Danila group-says 'afk, koala bear trying to mount my car'
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Re: The Game

Postby Ragorn » Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:03 pm

She technically wanted to get together later on, but since the meetup is at a bar I'm probably going to be half drunk afterwards so that's not really any good either.


So if she called you and said "I'm sorry I can't make it to our date, I'm going out to a bar beforehand and I'll probably be drunk. Sorry!"

How would you react?
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:09 pm

Ragorn wrote:
She technically wanted to get together later on, but since the meetup is at a bar I'm probably going to be half drunk afterwards so that's not really any good either.


So if she called you and said "I'm sorry I can't make it to our date, I'm going out to a bar beforehand and I'll probably be drunk. Sorry!"

How would you react?


That's a slightly different question, isn't it? I'd be annoyed that she was canceling.

If I knew she was going out earlier for drinks, I'd try to schedule a different night.

Pril: There are other little details, like not being sure how long we'll be there (1-2 drinks in an hour is fine, but if we're there 3 hours... I'm not sitting there dry for that long!) She also mentioned wanting to see one of her other friends that night, so I'm betting it won't happen anyway. I'm supposed to email her on friday to let her know if it looks like I'll be free or not after the happy hour.
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Re: The Game

Postby Ambar » Wed Jun 03, 2009 1:44 pm

Don't overthink this, this is some random girl. You hook up or you don't

Let HER persue YOU if it is that serious

Text her .. Hey Darlene, since your schedule sounds more hectic than mine, why not let ME know a solid day we can go out. -Mike

Just sounds so friggin lame .. "Sorry can't meet up with you friday, I will be going to a bar with my hookup .. err meetup group, I'd rather meet up with them and get drunk than meet up with you for a potential relationship."
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:11 pm

Ambar wrote:Don't overthink this, this is some random girl. You hook up or you don't

Let HER persue YOU if it is that serious

Text her .. Hey Darlene, since your schedule sounds more hectic than mine, why not let ME know a solid day we can go out. -Mike

Just sounds so friggin lame .. "Sorry can't meet up with you friday, I will be going to a bar with my hookup .. err meetup group, I'd rather meet up with them and get drunk than meet up with you for a potential relationship."


If I weren't the organizer I'd blow off the meetup group easily... on the other hand, at that point you'd be telling me I'm trying too hard and acting needy, right?

I tried asking her to let me know when would be a good day, and she couldn't come up with anything solid then either.

Oh, and apparently she texted me last night to thank me for calling her, because it really lifted her spirits after a bad day.

Frankly, at this point I'm wondering if she's just TRYING to confuse me or something.
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Re: The Game

Postby Ambar » Wed Jun 03, 2009 2:46 pm

I guess basically what I mean is don't overdo it, dont appear to needy and / or don't appear to stand-offish, you need a good mix of both to be successful really at anything.

And it is a meetup group, don't you think they'd understand you had a *date*? Prioritize what is more important, a meetup or a possible hookup! Not to be tacky or anything, but it is a possibility!

Don't over think too much what her motives are until you know her, trying to second guess a stranger is a futile effort .. She could be some psycho needy broad who plays constant games or needs constant attention for all you know. We women change our minds so much it is impossible to understand us or our motives so don't try! That whole men are from mars, women are from venus thing totally applies.
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Wed Jun 03, 2009 6:03 pm

Ambar wrote:I guess basically what I mean is don't overdo it, dont appear to needy and / or don't appear to stand-offish, you need a good mix of both to be successful really at anything.


Yeah, that sounds simple...

And it is a meetup group, don't you think they'd understand you had a *date*? Prioritize what is more important, a meetup or a possible hookup! Not to be tacky or anything, but it is a possibility!


You do realize that half the point of the meetup is to be out there more and meet more "possible hookups" right? Plus I'm just getting it started, and I was late to the second meetup... don't want to scare everyone away by making it look like the group will be unreliable and badly organized.

She could be some psycho needy broad who plays constant games or needs constant attention for all you know.


Well she's a woman, so I assume she is. :P
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Re: The Game

Postby Ashiwi » Wed Jun 03, 2009 6:54 pm

Hey, I'd love to go out with you, but that night I have to meet a bunch of other chicks for potential hook-ups...

Yes, maybe the point of your group thing is to meet other people, but it's also a great opportunity to show somebody you're interested in that you can be sociable, fun, and still prefer her company over that of a bunch of theoretical women you haven't met yet. There's no law that says you can't invite her as a date. There is a dating theory that says if you let the person you want to date know that you're blowing her off in order to meet other people you might want to date, you might be throwing away something possible for something imagined.
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Wed Jun 03, 2009 7:01 pm

Ashiwi wrote: There's no law that says you can't invite her as a date.


She was invited, and she declined.

I think you're missing the parts where she keeps declining any time I suggest for actually getting together...
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Re: The Game

Postby Ragorn » Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:40 pm

Sarvis: "Help! HELP! I'm stuck in a well!!!"
Torilites1-4: "Climb! Climb up and take our hands!"
Sarvis: "I'm thinking I should dig... should I dig?"
Torilite5: "NO! I was trapped in a well, and digging is a bad idea! Climb out!"
Torilites6-8: "We're lowering ropes! Take hold of a rope!"
Torilite9: "I've even tied a harness to the end of this one!"
Sarvis: "I can feel the ropes, but I don't want to hold onto them... should I dig?"
Torilite10: "No! If you dig, you'll hit water, and then you'll be proper hosed. I should know, I almost drowned."
Sarvis: "I dug a little bit just now, and I haven't hit water. I'm gonna keep digging..."
Torilites11-18: "No! Climb! Climb out!"
Sarvis: "Guys, I'm seriously stuck in this well! Help! HELP!!!"
Torilite19: "I was trapped in a well once. It took me two years, but I managed to build a climbing machine that pulled me to safety out of a well bucket and a pocket watch. I'm dropping the blueprints, extra buckets, and an assortment of pocket watches."
Torilite20: "I've engineered a jet-pack that will rocket you to safety. Stay where you are and we'll lower it down!""
Sarvis: "Thanks for your help, guys. I'm gonna keep digging. I'll find the Mines of Moria and I'll just walk to the surface."
**Torilites1-20 piss in the well**
Torilite21: "Guys, seriously... stop peeing in the well."

Shamelessly stolen and adapted from a Fark thread.
- Ragorn
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Wed Jun 03, 2009 9:57 pm

Ragorn wrote:Sarvis: "Help! HELP! I'm stuck in a well!!!"
Torilites1-4: "Climb! Climb up and take our hands!"
Sarvis: "I'm thinking I should dig... should I dig?"
Torilite5: "NO! I was trapped in a well, and digging is a bad idea! Climb out!"
Torilites6-8: "We're lowering ropes! Take hold of a rope!"
Torilite9: "I've even tied a harness to the end of this one!"
Sarvis: "I can feel the ropes, but I don't want to hold onto them... should I dig?"
Torilite10: "No! If you dig, you'll hit water, and then you'll be proper hosed. I should know, I almost drowned."
Sarvis: "I dug a little bit just now, and I haven't hit water. I'm gonna keep digging..."
Torilites11-18: "No! Climb! Climb out!"
Sarvis: "Guys, I'm seriously stuck in this well! Help! HELP!!!"
Torilite19: "I was trapped in a well once. It took me two years, but I managed to build a climbing machine that pulled me to safety out of a well bucket and a pocket watch. I'm dropping the blueprints, extra buckets, and an assortment of pocket watches."
Torilite20: "I've engineered a jet-pack that will rocket you to safety. Stay where you are and we'll lower it down!""
Sarvis: "Thanks for your help, guys. I'm gonna keep digging. I'll find the Mines of Moria and I'll just walk to the surface."
**Torilites1-20 piss in the well**
Torilite21: "Guys, seriously... stop peeing in the well."

Shamelessly stolen and adapted from a Fark thread.


So having already done what Ash suggested (inviting her to come to the meetup on friday) is refusing to follow her advice?

Or am I not following Kifle and Botef's advice when they said I should call her and if she is hesitant to get together she probably isn't really interested? BEcause I called her, and she balked at every suggestion I made... so now I think she's not really interested.

Or are you just looking for the specific bits I disagree with, ignoring the rest and then trying to make it look like I'm a disagreeable jerk for some reason?
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Re: The Game

Postby Botef » Thu Jun 04, 2009 2:15 pm

First of, Ragorn, that made my day.

I think you didn't get the point I was trying to make. My wife made all kinds of excuses before going out with me despite my knowing about her wanting to go out. The point I was trying to make was ignore the 'signal's and be persistent. Its difficult to put into words because you don't want to be so persistent as to seem needy, but it is important to show that interest. The best way for me to describe it is to make yourself available to her needs without pressuring her for a date. If Friday works for her, well hey what do you know it works for me too.

If you ask me, the text she sent you thanking you for calling her is a big billboard with your name on it. It says hey Im interested in you, please don't give up because of my busy schedule. It probably also says in tiny print "I know I'm being difficult but its not because I don't like you." One thing to keep in mind is that it can be very difficult to make time for a new person in your life. There are lots of contributing factors as to why, far to many to name, but some that come to mind are memories of sour relationships in the past, or feeling like you just don't have time for a new one. However once you take that first step and start to cultivate a relationship it becomes very easy, if not impossible not to, make time for someone new.

Ignore the signals. If anything take the fact that she doesn't plan on attending your group as a sign that she may have already singled you out! Make time for her when she has it available, get that first date in there and then come back and make a thread for use to analyze. Thats all for folks, any more and I'd have to publish it in an advice column.
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Fri Jun 05, 2009 3:34 am

For those interested (probably no one)

Me wrote: If Friday still looks good to get together after your wine tasting let me know. It doesn't look like my happy hour is going to last all that long, and I can always just tell "everyone" I have a date and leave after an hour or so. I'd probably just cancel it, except the group is just starting out and I don't want to get a bad rep for canceling meetups all the time...


Also I hope your week is going a little better. Not sure I could even start to deal with that kind of stuff all the time!


Darlene wrote:Hi-
Im not going to be free till after 9 anyhow. I would say 9:15-9:30ish. Would you mind possibly going somewhere on Elmwood since Im not even five minutes from there? Let me know though.

Thanks again for taking the time to ask how my week was, it means a lot. *snip somewhat personal stuff about one of her patients dying*

I hope the rest of your day goes well. Ill give you a call tommorow when I get out of work, or email me back and let me know your thoughts on meeting out tommorow night.


So I guess we're on for drinks tomorrow night...
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Re: The Game

Postby shalath » Fri Jun 05, 2009 6:40 am

Now, even if this all works out, you realise that at some point in time possibly in the relatively distant future she's going to come across this thread and realise it's about her and dump you?

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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Mon Jun 08, 2009 3:44 am

Somehow I think that's unlikely...


But anyway, I think the date went well although I'm a bit worried I had too much to drink. She seemed to be having fun, she kept leaning into me and/or grabbing my arm... but at the same time she never really faced me (which I think is a sign of disinterest... ) so I'm not entirely sure. Meant to call her tonight, but didn't get a chance to so probably will tomorrow...


Now the complication, we're both in a singles group on meetup.com. The group is having a meetup this Friday, which I'd like to go to. I mean, I like Darlene but...

So the thing is, if I RSVP she'll probably see it. Could that be a good thing, because I'm not appearing to fall for her right away? Or is that as bad as I think it is, and she'll just assume I suck and am not really interested?

The other two options are:

Talk to the organizer and see if she wants to do a dual-meetup with my group (with all of 3 people who have shown up so far... yay) thus appearing to just be doing this for my group.

Don't RSVP, but go to the event anyway so at least I'm "stealthed"




Oh, and just in case... no one quote this in case I need to delete it later. ;)
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Re: The Game

Postby Ambar » Mon Jun 08, 2009 4:37 am

She could just be shy .. I'd say listen to Botef on this one for the most part

Good luck, going outta town in 9 hrs, dont hang yourself until I get back!
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Re: The Game

Postby Dalar » Mon Jun 08, 2009 9:11 am

FFS go to the singles meetup. If she really wants to know if you're just in it to bang chicks as you keep hanging out, she'll ask. If you don't RSVP, you are saying that you are not interested in anyone else and if she RSVPs, you'll feel like shit. A bunch of single people can go out and have fun. My gf and I are part of a group of single people at work (or they have long distance relationships) and we all have fun together.
It will be fixed in Toril 2.0.

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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Mon Jun 08, 2009 1:01 pm

Dalar wrote:if she RSVPs,


That's highly unlikely, as she'll be in Philadelphia and has already RSVP'd a No.
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:26 pm

Bah!

Darlene wrote:Thanks for the call last night. The rest of my weekend went well, was relaxing. Thanks for the well wish for a good trip when I go to Philly. Anyhow, I have to start my day, have a great rest of the week. Ill see you at my meetup that I organized on the 22nd, since I saw you RSVP. I do still plan on attending some of yours.

I just wanted to let you know you as well, just so you dont get the wrong idea. I would just prefer to be friends with you, I just didn't want to keep you the wrong indication or idea and wanted to be honest. Talk to you soon


Don't worry though, I won't be all whiny about this one. It's all straightforward, and I wasn't that into her anyway. Hell, I still miss Kayla more...
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Re: The Game

Postby Botef » Tue Jun 09, 2009 4:55 pm

Good, stay positive. Don't look at situations like this as a failure or a waste of time. Its a good exercise, and you've made a friend who probably has other single female friends.
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Re: The Game

Postby Dalar » Tue Jun 09, 2009 8:43 pm

Botef is right. The girl I'm currently with I met through friends at work. You never know when your newest friend will introduce you to the next sane version of Kayla. When you finally meet her Sarvis and you ask her what took her so long, she'll be saying "I came as fast as I could".
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Re: The Game

Postby Kifle » Tue Jun 09, 2009 11:03 pm

Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?
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Re: The Game

Postby Pril » Wed Jun 10, 2009 12:29 pm

Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said
The best of WTF statments of '06

--------------------------------------------------------

Danila group-says 'afk, machine gun in backyard started shooting cats'

Danila group-says 'afk a sec, 3 horned monkeys trying to steal hose'

Danila group-says 'afk, koala bear trying to mount my car'
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Re: The Game

Postby Dalar » Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:37 pm

Pril wrote:
Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said


That's what Pril said.
It will be fixed in Toril 2.0.

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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:40 pm

Dalar wrote:
Pril wrote:
Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said


That's what Pril said.


That's what she said!



/uh-oh, may have started an infinite loop...
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Re: The Game

Postby Botef » Wed Jun 10, 2009 8:44 pm

Sarvis wrote:
Dalar wrote:
Pril wrote:
Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said


That's what Pril said.


That's what she said!



Sarvis wrote:
Dalar wrote:
Pril wrote:
Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said


That's what Pril said.


That's what she said!


Sarvis wrote:
Dalar wrote:
Pril wrote:
Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said


That's what Pril said.


That's what she said!


Sarvis wrote:
Dalar wrote:
Pril wrote:
Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said


That's what Pril said.


That's what she said!


Sarvis wrote:
Dalar wrote:
Pril wrote:
Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said


That's what Pril said.


That's what she said!


Sarvis wrote:
Dalar wrote:
Pril wrote:
Kifle wrote:
Dalar wrote:"I came as fast as I could."


That's what she said?


That's what Brian said


That's what Pril said.


That's what she said!



Image
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// Post Count +1
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Sat Jun 13, 2009 6:57 am

So why is it I'm not over Kayla?

Since she's disappeared I've been stood up, gotten the let's just be friends speech, met a girl at a wedding who I'm going out with Sunday, "befriended" several other strippers... my "love life" has been more active in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years...

Yet not one of these girls, all attractive and interesting, have made the impression on me that Kayla did. I haven't felt any connection with any of them...

There's the theory out there that every person has one perfect match, right? What if Kayla was mine? And I never see her again...
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Re: The Game

Postby Pril » Sat Jun 13, 2009 11:54 am

Sarvis wrote:So why is it I'm not over Kayla?

Since she's disappeared I've been stood up, gotten the let's just be friends speech, met a girl at a wedding who I'm going out with Sunday, "befriended" several other strippers... my "love life" has been more active in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years...

Yet not one of these girls, all attractive and interesting, have made the impression on me that Kayla did. I haven't felt any connection with any of them...

There's the theory out there that every person has one perfect match, right? What if Kayla was mine? And I never see her again...
So why is it I'm not over Kayla?

Since she's disappeared I've been stood up, gotten the let's just be friends speech, met a girl at a wedding who I'm going out with Sunday, "befriended" several other strippers... my "love life" has been more active in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years...

Yet not one of these girls, all attractive and interesting, have made the impression on me that Kayla did. I haven't felt any connection with any of them...

There's the theory out there that every person has one perfect match, right? What if Kayla was mine? And I never see her again...


Vinny Gambini wrote:I'm finished with this guy.
The best of WTF statments of '06

--------------------------------------------------------

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Danila group-says 'afk a sec, 3 horned monkeys trying to steal hose'

Danila group-says 'afk, koala bear trying to mount my car'
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Sat Jun 13, 2009 11:59 am

Pril wrote:
Sarvis wrote:So why is it I'm not over Kayla?

Since she's disappeared I've been stood up, gotten the let's just be friends speech, met a girl at a wedding who I'm going out with Sunday, "befriended" several other strippers... my "love life" has been more active in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years...

Yet not one of these girls, all attractive and interesting, have made the impression on me that Kayla did. I haven't felt any connection with any of them...

There's the theory out there that every person has one perfect match, right? What if Kayla was mine? And I never see her again...
So why is it I'm not over Kayla?

Since she's disappeared I've been stood up, gotten the let's just be friends speech, met a girl at a wedding who I'm going out with Sunday, "befriended" several other strippers... my "love life" has been more active in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years...

Yet not one of these girls, all attractive and interesting, have made the impression on me that Kayla did. I haven't felt any connection with any of them...

There's the theory out there that every person has one perfect match, right? What if Kayla was mine? And I never see her again...


Vinny Gambini wrote:I'm finished with this guy.



That might hurt more if I knew who Vinny Gambini was...

Or if I hadn't stayed out until 2am when I had to be up this freakin' early to go to a charity event... :(
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Re: The Game

Postby Pril » Sat Jun 13, 2009 12:05 pm

Sarvis wrote:
Pril wrote:
Sarvis wrote:So why is it I'm not over Kayla?

Since she's disappeared I've been stood up, gotten the let's just be friends speech, met a girl at a wedding who I'm going out with Sunday, "befriended" several other strippers... my "love life" has been more active in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years...

Yet not one of these girls, all attractive and interesting, have made the impression on me that Kayla did. I haven't felt any connection with any of them...

There's the theory out there that every person has one perfect match, right? What if Kayla was mine? And I never see her again...
So why is it I'm not over Kayla?

Since she's disappeared I've been stood up, gotten the let's just be friends speech, met a girl at a wedding who I'm going out with Sunday, "befriended" several other strippers... my "love life" has been more active in the last 6 months than in the last 10 years...

Yet not one of these girls, all attractive and interesting, have made the impression on me that Kayla did. I haven't felt any connection with any of them...

There's the theory out there that every person has one perfect match, right? What if Kayla was mine? And I never see her again...


Vinny Gambini wrote:I'm finished with this guy.



That might hurt more if I knew who Vinny Gambini was...

Or if I hadn't stayed out until 2am when I had to be up this freakin' early to go to a charity event... :(


Go watch "My Cousin Vinny"
The best of WTF statments of '06

--------------------------------------------------------

Danila group-says 'afk, machine gun in backyard started shooting cats'

Danila group-says 'afk a sec, 3 horned monkeys trying to steal hose'

Danila group-says 'afk, koala bear trying to mount my car'
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Sat Jun 13, 2009 12:40 pm

Ohhhhh, ok. He was the lawyer dude right?

Yeah, still doesn't hurt. :P
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:54 am

"We should do this again sometime. If nothing else we'll get good friends out of it. Oh, I just got out of a bad relationship so I'm not really looking to get in another..."


Grrr. Why let someone set you up on a date then? And tell me AFTER the $50 dinner? And start with "we should do this again?"

Then again, for just a second after she said that she looked at me and I got the impression it might be a time to kiss her. Unfortunately I was trying to assimilate what she had said and looked away trying to think up a reply...

So who knows. Probably blew it either way.
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Re: The Game

Postby Ambar » Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:22 pm

Sounds like she likes you but has doubts .. or .. geeze maybe she just got out of a relationship and isnt ready for another one yet :)

Dont read too much into stuff .. maybe she will be one of those girls who has a friend you can hook up with .. I wasn't *ready* for the relationship I've been in for almost 6 years now, heh, just because she isnt ready NOW doesnt mean she cannot be ready *soon*

Please please please do not try to understand women or ask other guys what women mean, I think that is a key flaw in your personality .. guys are not supposed to understand women .. any guy who says they do are lying or just a lot of booty and THINK they know.

*what did she mean* .. she may not have MEANT anything!

As far as Kayla .. omg what does it take? A truck smashing into you? Most of us got over ex wives and ex husbands faster than this girl you never even slept with! Never even saw outside a strip club! It's starting (has been) getting too fanatical, too stalker-ish! Sounds like the TV star who gets stalked by the fan who saw her looking RIGHT at him when he watched her TV show, "she did it for ME" .. good lord get over it :) If she'd wanted to get in touch with you she WOULD have... I dont mean to be cruel but come ON!
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:27 pm

Ambar wrote:Never even saw outside a strip club!


Actually we did go out once...

As for the rest, I was feeling overly sentimental due to alcohol. I'm not constantly obsessing over her or anything...
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Mon Jun 15, 2009 1:41 pm

Ambar wrote:Sounds like she likes you but has doubts .. or .. geeze maybe she just got out of a relationship and isnt ready for another one yet :)

Dont read too much into stuff .. maybe she will be one of those girls who has a friend you can hook up with .. I wasn't *ready* for the relationship I've been in for almost 6 years now, heh, just because she isnt ready NOW doesnt mean she cannot be ready *soon*

Please please please do not try to understand women or ask other guys what women mean, I think that is a key flaw in your personality .. guys are not supposed to understand women .. any guy who says they do are lying or just a lot of booty and THINK they know.

*what did she mean* .. she may not have MEANT anything!


She meant _something_. Whether it was "leave me alone" or "I'm not ready to get into a relationship yet" she meant something. It wasn't incoherent babble, after all. :P

It's just frustrating given that this is the second time in 2 weeks I've gotten the "let's just be friends" thing, and I liked this girl more than the last one.

EDIT: And while I don't think I understand women, or that other men do... the fact is that I have no idea how to behave in a situation like this so I'm just kind of randomly lashing out hoping someone will say something useful. (You know, other than berating me for missing the last girl I had any serious feelings for and then some more for trying to figure out what this girl meant.)
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Re: The Game

Postby Ragorn » Mon Jun 15, 2009 2:28 pm

So wait, this chick let you pick up the tab on a $50 dinner and then told you that she wasn't interested in a relationship and just wanted to be friends?

Uhhhhhh.........

If it were me, there'd be no "let's do this again."
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Re: The Game

Postby Kifle » Mon Jun 15, 2009 4:21 pm

Seriously, Rag? Under some circumstances, I would agree, but the "don't want relationship" could mean a multitude of things. One of them meaning, "hey, I am wanting to play the field and not get tied down right now, but if you turn out to be really great, I may make an exception." I think this woman is just keeping her options open rather than rushing into another relationship; so, I wouldn't say she isn't interested just from this little snippet of their conversation. I would most definately try to go on another date with this woman within a week and see where things go -- just don't rush anything. If she continues to let your pay for her meals on the "dates," it's more than likely she is just -- wait for it -- wanting to date. Think of it more as a job interview rather than a relationship. You've been invited for the second round, but whatever you did didn't impress her enough to not warn you -- or you seemed like an emotional guy, so she thought it was necessary to warn you. Either way, don't look at it as a loss.

Even if she doesn't want anything more than a friendship, you got some dating practice which is worth the $50. If you get a friend out of it, it was worth the money even more. Additionally, you can get her input on about your date at some point to see what "went wrong" or why she didn't want to continue dating you. Dating is not a one shot deal. You need to realize that no matter the outcome of any date you go on, you leave with knowledge that will help you on the next. Dating is not masturbation; you don't get what you came into it looking for every time. Dating is more like a ladder -- with each step, you get closer to the goal, but you don't quit or get discouraged because you only went up one rung and it wasn't the top one.

Lastly, Amber, women are not a big mystery, and I always find it hilarious when people say they are. The honest truth is that women are just like men -- they are people that have habits, likes, dislikes, and drives. You can accurately estimate what anyone is thinking or doing as long as you know the person or you notice a pattern in their behavior. Some people just know people; some people don't. Sarvis doesn't, but maybe he will if he sticks with the dating thing. Hell, look at Dartan. He has come a long way since high school/college :) The bottom line is, the whole "mysterious woman" bit is just a way for lazy men to justify why they know nothing about the opposite sex, and a way for women to feel like they are "mysterious."
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Re: The Game

Postby amena wolfsnarl » Mon Jun 15, 2009 4:52 pm

Sarvis i think your missing one big thing when it comes to dating......HAVE FUN!

Seriously dont go looking at every new woman as possibly the one, instead just try and have a good time with them. Dont over analysis everything that they say instead just enjoy yourself and quit worrying about 'miss right' or whatever you are looking for. Seriously, it will help a lot more if you go into every date with one expectation....just have some fun. Dont worry about the other stuff if thats meant to happen it will.

The more fun you have with a date the more shes gonna be interested in you.

Thats just my opinion
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Mon Jun 15, 2009 4:54 pm

amena wolfsnarl wrote:Sarvis i think your missing one big thing when it comes to dating......HAVE FUN!

Seriously dont go looking at every new woman as possibly the one, instead just try and have a good time with them. Dont over analysis everything that they say instead just enjoy yourself and quit worrying about 'miss right' or whatever you are looking for. Seriously, it will help a lot more if you go into every date with one expectation....just have some fun. Dont worry about the other stuff if thats meant to happen it will.

The more fun you have with a date the more shes gonna be interested in you.

Thats just my opinion


We did have fun, and I wasn't necessarily looking at her as miss right. It's still pretty disappointing though... I feel like I screwed up or something.
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Re: The Game

Postby Ragorn » Mon Jun 15, 2009 5:44 pm

Kifle wrote:Seriously, Rag? Under some circumstances, I would agree, but the "don't want relationship" could mean a multitude of things. One of them meaning, "hey, I am wanting to play the field and not get tied down right now, but if you turn out to be really great, I may make an exception." I think this woman is just keeping her options open rather than rushing into another relationship

I dunno... now granted I'm not in precisely the same situation as Sarvis, but I don't feel like I need to shell down $50 a night so a girl can figure out if she wants a relationship or not. Now if she had just said "thanks for dinner but I don't see us being compatible," then that's just a rejection. You spent some money, you hopefully had a good time, and nothing came out of it. Life's a bitch, that kind of thing happens.

If she had offered to pay for half (maybe Sarvis pays for dinner and she picks up the movie or whatever), then sure. At that point, maybe she's just interested in hanging out as friends, or maybe after a couple weeks she'll decide that she wants something more serious. That is absolutely a situation that I'd pursue, either to make a new friend or to potentially start a relationship.

Of course, I don't really know how the evening went... maybe she offered to pay but Sarvis insisted, who knows. The money thing just sticks in my head... why would you let a guy take you out and buy you dinner if you knew going into the date that you weren't interested in pursuing it any further? Free dinner?
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Mon Jun 15, 2009 6:40 pm

Ragorn wrote:
Kifle wrote:Of course, I don't really know how the evening went... maybe she offered to pay but Sarvis insisted, who knows.


She had and I did, but had she told me then she wasn't looking for a relationship I might have been more amenable to going dutch.

I don't even get why you'd go on a date if you didn't intend to pursue some kind of relationship, really. I wouldn't go out with someone if I was just looking for friends...

I may not have explained that well, I blame antibiotics. Or lack of sleep. Or both. Back to coding!
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Re: The Game

Postby Kifle » Tue Jun 16, 2009 8:06 am

Sarvis wrote:
Ragorn wrote:Of course, I don't really know how the evening went... maybe she offered to pay but Sarvis insisted, who knows.


She had and I did, but had she told me then she wasn't looking for a relationship I might have been more amenable to going dutch.

I don't even get why you'd go on a date if you didn't intend to pursue some kind of relationship, really. I wouldn't go out with someone if I was just looking for friends...
[/quote]

You'd go on the date because you are pursuing some kind of relationship, but then during the date you start to think that the guy is not the right guy to do it with. Like has been said earlier, it may have just been a "kind" way to reject you. Who knows at this point besides her and her friends really. One thing to keep into consideration is that most people are afraid of confrontation, so they will rarely say what they mean if they feel like there might be negative reactions because of it. I still say it was worth the money, and you should keep in touch with her if nothing more than to see if you can get some honesty out of her about the whole situation so you can prepare for next time with reading body language, patterns, etc.
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Re: The Game

Postby Ragorn » Tue Jun 16, 2009 1:20 pm

Well, you go on the date because dating is fun, and she was probably secretly sorta hoping that you'd be the one to convince her that she really did want to have a relationship. I did that not long ago, I didn't think I was really in the market for anything long term, but I still took a girl out... you never know when something is going to spark, and you don't want to miss opportunities, and all that.

If she offered to pay, she probably realized that she wasn't going to change her mind about wanting a relationship. Maybe she just freaked out, maybe you weren't the one, who knows. When you insisted, she went along with you because she didn't want to be rude. And then when she said "let's do this again, but I just want to be friends," she was offering exactly that... letting you know that she'd be interested in hanging out with you again (and going dutch), but that you shouldn't hang on her expecting a dating relationship.

Easy enough. You made a friend.
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Re: The Game

Postby Sarvis » Sun Jun 28, 2009 10:53 pm

Ok Kifle, AKA "Mr. Women are Simple" maybe you can explain something to me...

If you're on a dance floor and a girl is dancing nearby, but keeps looking back towards you and inching closer until she's practically grinding you... isn't that some kind of signal that she'd want to dance with you?

Yet every time I try to approach for that, I get a funny look or otherwise turned down. (Girl on Friday wagged her finger at me... but looked more amused than anything.)

Are they just playing mind games, or am I approaching wrong... or both?

/how ARE you supposed to start dancing with a girl anyway... haven't quite mastered that trick yet :(
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Re: The Game

Postby Kifle » Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:44 am

Sarvis wrote:Ok Kifle, AKA "Mr. Women are Simple" maybe you can explain something to me...

If you're on a dance floor and a girl is dancing nearby, but keeps looking back towards you and inching closer until she's practically grinding you... isn't that some kind of signal that she'd want to dance with you?

Yet every time I try to approach for that, I get a funny look or otherwise turned down. (Girl on Friday wagged her finger at me... but looked more amused than anything.)

Are they just playing mind games, or am I approaching wrong... or both?

/how ARE you supposed to start dancing with a girl anyway... haven't quite mastered that trick yet :(


It depends. Is she looking at you in the face as she backs up, or is she looking at the floor or your body? She could just be seeing how much room she has before she would bump in to you. If she looks at you and smiles, then you're more than likely getting the go ahead if she's also backing up. If she smiles and doesn't move, there's a high probability that she's just being friendly because she accidentally made eye contact with you. The context of the action is infinitely more important than the action itself.

As for initiating dancing with a woman, your best luck is to get a wingman. Girls usually travel in packs unless they are with guys already. Most girls worth dancing with will not leave their uggo friends behind for various obvious reasons, so a wingman to take one for the team is always a good thing -- unless you're model hot. If you're already on the floor, make sure you can dance -- not just think you can dance. Rarely will a woman single out the guy that can't dance to go dance with. And, sadly, your physical appearance has a lot to do with it if you're trying to meet people on the dance floor. I have no idea what you look like, but if you have short-comings, be humerous about them. For example, if you're chunky, act like you're showing off your body but make it a bit sarcastic. Laughter is the best aphrodesiac. Again, though, a lot of this is situation dependent, and there are no hard/fast ways to pick up chicks 100% of the time. It's a numbers game. Hit on enough, you're bound to get one.

But, really, do you want to find a girl who goes to clubs and dances? I wouldn't say the probability of finding a "good" girl at those places to be very high at all. And your age probably is getting on the upper end to bag most chicks you'll see (I'm only guessing). At this point, the meetings, female friends, work, etc. are all probably where you'll find what you really want in the long run. Don't settle for short-term. You don't seem like the kind of guy that will either be able to handle it or truly want it anyway.

What ever happened to that girl that wanted to be friends that you met up with a short while back? The girls that will work hardest for you are the ones that went on a "mix-up" date like that one. She will relieve most negative emotions [guilt, stress, anxiety, etc.] by helping you find another girl because A) she is under the impression that she is off the hook B) most people want to help others when it isn't hard work and C) she is given control of a situation she had no control over (this is always big for all people). I'd milk that well while it is fresh.

Gook luck, man. Hope some of that helps a bit.
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