my firs soj story i hope you enjoy

[amolol]

“Father. Father where are you?” shouted Drizmir.

“Come here boy you have work to do…if you ever want to be as good as the great nilan you must practice.” Drizmir looked up at his father into the time hardened face… the deep black eyes stared back at him... his snow white hair kept short and neat. His skin was so blackened it was almost a deep royal purple. His father took his dagger from his belt and handed it to Drizmir. He stood up and pointed to the slave that was in the pen.

Drizmir looked at the slave…once a human merchant and by the looks of it a sturdy man. The slave looked directly at drizmir and said ím gonna crush your throught”

Drizmir had long been trained to kill…he first killed someone when he was at the age of 8... by the age of 12 he was forced to kill two slaves a day... Drizmir hopped into the pen and prepared to fight. He wrapped his garroting wire about his wrist and stepped into his corner. “Pain is the weakness without pain there is only me and in the end there can be only me” drizmir thought. A bell sounded and the slave charged.
Drizmir feigned for on side and punched at the slave from the other. The human grabbed his dagger from Drizmir’s hand and took the blow barely losing his breath. The slave twisted the dagger out of Drizmir’s hand then dropped it. Drizmir unwound the wire from his hand and reached to strangle the human. The human released Drizmir then grabbed his wrists and threw him to the ground while still holding onto him. The slave pushed the wire down to Drizmir’s throught and collapsed his throat and cut deep into his skin. The slave was thrown off of Drizmir by a powerful spell from his father…. Drizmir’s father ran quickly to Drizmir’s side. He grabbed some clean wrappings out of his satchel and quickly bandaged Drizmir’s neck….

Drizmir sat by the fire of the purple roth inn recalling that day as if it was yesterday. A serving wench came up to him and asked “can I get you anything sir”
Drizmir looked up and the wench quickly averted her gaze…it was a gaze that drizmir had become all to aware of… drizmir shook his head and looked back into the fire. Soon a hooded figure entered the room…The illithid strode over to Drizmir and satup in the chair across from him.

Though no one heard any conversation there was a very active one going on…through the years the illithid Xarzlarsiarn had tought him to project in the manner of illithids. Though no conversation was heard among the other npatrons there was defiantly one going on.

“welcome friend”
“ I am not here on plesentries”
I have a job for you…it will pay 100 platinum pieces”
“ im listening”
“I need an item from the desk of duke eltan…only problem is youll hafto go strait in and take it…no sneaking around this one…eltan will be looking for that…”
“what may I ask is the item?”
“you will know it when you see it”a bright flash of light emited from the illithid and he disappeared.


[This message has been edited by amolol (edited 01-05-2003).]

[Clan Blindhammer]

Definitely a good start Couple things though that hurt your story:

throat, not throught

And Illithids are not Yuan-ti's (snakes) They're like humans with squid heads and tentacles for the most part.

It's always a good idea to go through your story once or twice and edit it, to give it that final touch feeling



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King Artikerus Blindhammer
Patron of Clan Blindhammer
Fallen Priest of Shimmergloom

[amolol]

advise taken and corrected what you mentioned...i hope i got all of it...it took all of 15 min to write so i didnt put a whole lot of thought to it...i look forward to more opinions...good and bad

[Gort]

Nice start, you covered an awful lot of ground in a very short time. You may want to be more descriptive about yourself, the surroundings etc... but a good beginning!

Keep it up!


Toplack (of the unfinished tale)

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